Pinkie Pie goes to Hogwarts
by WoomyWobble
Summary: Drama, mystery and funny stuff all wrapped in an epic adventure! Follow Pinkie Pie as she finds herself in the magical world of wizarding Britain. Here she will find new friends, new baked goods and new parties! (The story happens in the HP universe except for the first two chapters.) Rated M for bad language and violence.
1. Prologue

**Prologue**

Twilight Sparkle princess of Equestria sat in front of Ponyville hospital reminiscing.

The hospital certainly has grown over the years. Like Ponyville itself it has grown quite stately. Unlike Ponyville though it sadly lost most of its charm. It was grey and dreary looking.

Or maybe she was just reflecting her own mood onto it.

"Are you alright princess? Are you here to see Pinkie Pie?" A bright yellow pony with a nurse's cap spoke with concern written on her face.

A heavy sigh escaped Twilight. She has to go in now. And then it would be real. The last of her first friends would be dying, leaving her…not alone exactly, but without anyone from her own generation.

Then again she gets to see all the generations yet to come. Guide all the grandfoals and great- grandfoals of her friends to a bright and magical future.

Right now though that seems a very meager consolation.

"I am. Are you Pinkie Pie's attending physician?"

"Yes, Pinkie said you would be here making mountains out of molehills. My shift just ended and she asked if I could get you to go inside."

"Pinkie sense?"

"Pinkie sense." She nodded. "Good luck princess." She put a quick comforting hoof around Twilight and walked away into the sunset.

"Well… here I go."

xxx

"And then Rainbow said: 'That's not a walrus, that's my husband!'"

The filly in the bed next to Pinkie started giggling. Pinkie herself couldn't suppress a smile either. She turned towards the ceiling just remembering.

Well she wasn't really Pinkie anymore. Most called here Granny Pie nowadays. Funny that.

"Applejack did look like a right proper stallion with that mustache." Twilight said stepping into the ICU.

"Oh Twilight I'm so glad you could come!"

"You know princess Twilight? She's my favorite princess!" The filly said bouncing in her bed.

Twilight smiled gently at the excitable filly "Well that is quite an honor you've given me. My personal favorite is still princess Celestia though. Don't let princess Cadence know I said that." Twilight gave the filly a mischievous wink.

"It's true" Pinkie said. "She made a little shrine once in her honor."

"I was five years old Pinkie! And I told you that in confidence." Twilight said with false indignation.

The young one was giggling in her bed feeling like she was party to some big secret.

"O you think that's funny do you?"

"Uh huh."

Twilight moved closer in a threatening way. "Well then I guess I'll just have to...EAT YOU!" she quickly hurled towards her new young friend and started making fart noises on top of her head.

Roaring laughter again filled the ICU and for a moment the place was just a bit brighter.

"So listen, do you think I can borrow your neighbor for a little while? We have to talk about grown up stuff."

"No." she said with the endless wit of an 8 year old.

"It's okay Summer." Pinkie intervened." It won't take long."

Twilight stepped towards Pinkies bed and moved the curtain around it. She cast a quick spell so that they wouldn't be overheard.

Pinkie looked old and thin. Her mane had turned gray over the years. There was still that twinkle in her eye though. Like she knew something you didn't.

"Hey Pinkie. So what happened?"

"I'm just old Twilight. Honestly I thought diabetes would do me in but in the end it was my heart. The old rick-a-tick doesn't wanna tick anymore. To rickety."

"Technically the heart-failure is probably caused by diabetes." Twilight looked thoughtfully at her heart monitor. "You could get a transplant you know, there are treatment options. You've helped this nation a lot after all."

"And what about Summer? You saw that filly she needs a new heart too."

A silence fell between them.

"And it's not just that..." Pinkie said looking the other way. "I can't really throw parties anymore. I can't really make ponies happy anymore. Not in the way I used to."

Tears where starting to form in the eyes of the old party planner.

"O Pinkie..."

Twilight slipped underneath the covers and hugged her friend fiercely. The bed started to creak worryingly. Pinkie and Twilight started laughing despite it all.

"I don't think they make these beds alicorn sized."

"I don't care I wanna hug my friend. I'll miss you so much Pinkie."

Twilight started crying as well. Pinkie never married and never had any foals of her own. What if a thousand years from now she forgot about Pinkie?

"Twilight… Do you think my life mattered?"

Twilight turned her friend around.

"Pinkie, you made life worth living."

And in that moment Twilight new she could never forget this wonderful, insane, beautiful mare. Not by all the evil sorcerers in the world. Not in a thousand years or even a million.

Pinkie smiled.

xxx

Pinkamena Diane Pie died one week later at ponyville memorial hospital do to heart-failure. Her funeral was held at Canterlot palace. Approximately forty-thousand ponies came to pay their respects. Each and every single one of those ponies had a Pinkie Pie story to tell.

A testament to her character.

She was later interned at her families rock farm, her grave was marked with an old rusty canon. Visiting the grave site became something of a rite of passage for pranksters, party planners and bakers from all over the country.

xxx

**A/N _Making Marks – Fragments of an Island_**

**Well this is the start of my story. As you can probably tell I'm a huge sap. Next chapter is gonna be a lot less depressing I promise. Still this story is M rated for a reason.  
**

**Pinkie likes singing so there is gonna be a lot of music. I'll try not to write the lyrics. That always annoyed me when reading something.**


	2. 1: Being Dead

**Chapter 1: Being Dead**

"Ah, you must be Pinkamena Diane Pie yes?" A friendly looking middle-aged stallion behind the desk said waving her over. "Come in, come in, I've been expecting you."

Pinkie gently floated towards the chair opposite the friendly looking pony. She didn't feel very solid and yet she felt more real then she ever did, odd. It appeared she didn't have any limbs either or a mouth. She was just a glowing ball of light. It was nice.

"Well let me have a look at you." The stallion picked her up from out of the chair and bounced her around between his hooves.

"Yes your time in Equestria certainly did you some good." The stallion put her back into the chair.

"O what am I doing? Where are my manners?" The stallion offered her his hoof "Hi, I'm Death."

"..."

"Yes I'm aware you don't have any limbs or mouth at the moment but manners are still important. It puts ponies at ease… mostly. Would you like some tea?"

"..."

A cup of tea appeared in front of Pinkie gently steaming in the sunlight.

"..."

"Just some Earl Grey. Cookie?" Death asked smiling.

"..."

A cookie appeared next to the tea.

"Now let's have a look at your resume, see what you've been up to down there." He winked at her.

The stallion put his rear hooves on the desk and picked up a pink file decorated with flowers and smiley faces from out of his desk and placed it in front of him. He fumbled with some reading glasses and put them on his nose.

As he read his eyebrows kept rising and rising to higher levels. He started hoofing his collar and swallowing profusely. Quickly, he sat back in an upright position. A few minutes longer and sweat stains started to form underneath his wings. He gave a quick look at Pinkie and dropped his gaze again. He turned a page and paled even further then he already had. He quickly fumbled with some more papers in the file.

There were a lot of papers in this file.

Suddenly he stood up.

"I'm sorry miss Pie I think I need to talk to my Supervisor. You'll be okay right?" The stallion seemed really worried almost like Pinkie could explode or something.

"..."

"Thank you." He rushed out his office. Then quickly returned and took the file with him.

Pinkie started humming a little ditty inside herself and zooming around a bit. It was fun being a ball of light.

xxx

The Death Of Ponies ran through the corridors of the Heavenly Realm like his tail was on fire. A strange sight to be sure in a place where time held little meaning.

All manner of strange and wonderful creatures stopped and stared at the odd pony. Why would a Death of all beings be in a rush? Then again it was a pony and everybody knows that ponies like running. Maybe he was just having fun?

Death had no time to change his co-workers misconceptions. Out of breath and sweaty he arrived at his destination. A giant oak door. He quickly grabbed the brass knocker with his teeth and loudly slammed the thing.

"Enter."

Death did quickly.

"Sir I believe I have a twenty-four-seventeen."

The wizened old stallion rose from his seat and raised an eyebrow. "Twenty-four-seventeen, you're certain of this?" He looked skeptic.

"Quite certain sir. Look at the file." He hurriedly gave it to his Supervisor.

Supervisor sat back down again and started reading it. Death was nervously biting his hoof in his chair barely containing his anxiety.

After about five minutes the old stallion looked up.

"When will she be arriving? You're right this is definitely a twenty-four-seventeen"

"She's already here."

The Supervisors eyebrows heightened.

"O my. I hope you offered her her body back at least." Supervisor said giving Death back his file.

"Tea." Death started whimpering "I offered her tea."

"Tea? You offered a twenty-four-seventeen tea?"

"And a cookie."

"You offered a twenty-four-seventeen tea and a cookie?! While she's still floating? Have you completely lost your senses?"

"Well how was I supposed to know! She presented like any other original soul!"

Supervisor started cleaning his glasses.

"Son, how long have you been working this department?"

"forty-nine thousand years sir, give or take."

The old stallion led out a long sigh.

"...Still wet behind the ears" he mumbled placing the glasses back on his nose. "By now you should have learned that you always, always read the file before the soul arrives. Preparation Death, that's how we work! And by no means do you offer a twenty-four-seventeen who's still floating tea and a fucking cookie!"

Death had never heard his supervisor use profanity before he must have really screwed the pooch this time.

"Yes sir. Sorry sir."

"Well let's hope that a few years from now we can all laugh about this." Supervisor stood up and walked towards the coat rack "Where is she now?"

"In my office."

"You just left her there? For goodness sake Death are you trying to get us sacked?" Supervisor grabbed his coat and his hat and stepped out the door.

"Well are you coming or what?"

"Yes sir!" Death said and stormed off behind him.

xxx

Pinkie was having a good time. You can't exactly drink tea when you're a ball of light but you certainly can bathe in it. It was nice and warm. She started splashing around in it.

Suddenly the door to the office opened again. Death and another pony entered the office and saw her in the cup of tea.

Pinkie saw them staring at her and feeling a little embarrassed she slowly floated out of the tea and back onto the chair dripping a little.

The older pony moved to the chair opposite her own. Death stayed in the corner looking like a dog that's been naughty and has been caught. His ears where drooping.

"My apologies miss Pie. It appears my colleague has not read your file prior to your death and has therefore not granted someone of your position the respect you deserve. I promise you that he will be punished and his behavior will be corrected."

"..."

Supervisor looked surprised for a moment. Death's ears turned up.

"Well...if that is what you wish."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"I see, you've given me much to think about." Supervisor sat there for a second staring into space. "Maybe we can move on to more important matters at this time?"

"..."

"Splendid. Supervisor said clopping his hooves together. "First things first. Would you like a body?"

"..."

The supervisor couldn't help himself. He started laughing. This mare was just to funny! Suddenly he remembered his place and moved his hoof in an odd motion. He transformed Pinkie's soul onto a physical shell.

Slowly she transformed from a ball of light to a pink alicorn with an incredibly poofy mane reminiscent of an ice cream swirl. She was tall and beautiful but if the supervisor was being honest with himself she also looked a little...chubby.

She wore a white long dress that almost seemed translucent. And despite her chubbiness she nevertheless also looked both regal and kind. Her blue eyes looked mischievous and on her head sat a crown with three diamond balloons at it's center.

"Why are you all so short?"

Death and Supervisor shared a look. "You're a goddess Pinkie." The supervisor said.

"Really? How come?"

"Ponies worship you."

"That's silly, I've only ever really threw parties. Make ponies laugh you know. They don't worship me."

"They do. You spread joy wherever you go, and you did it with such fervor that it was oftentimes to your own detriment. To the ponies you've left behind you are an inspiration. You have no idea how special you are."

"Aw shucks you're making me blush."

Supervisor just smiled gently at her. Pinkie clearly didn't know how to take a compliment.

"I've read in your file that you're an original soul. That means you've never reincarnated before. Most souls have to reincarnate thousands of times to even come close to your achievements. Pinkie, you really do deserve this honor."

"But what about my friends? They where good ponies too. Shouldn't they also be Goddessessess?... Goddessi?… Alicorns?"

"Goddesses. And while your friends where extraordinary ponies in there own right. None of your friends did as much as you did to spread the values that your elements represented. Or to put it in another way. Your friends represented their elements really well. You taught others to represent your element and how to spread it further to others and in doing so you became a goddess. A goddess of joy, baking and parties, if I've read your file correctly."

"But but but,-"

"Do not worry about your friends Pinkie. They've moved on to bigger and better things. They were not original souls like you were, and they understand how things are done. Those connections you have with your friends are unbreakable. You are in their very souls as are they inside yours."

"But what does that mean? Will I ever see them again?" Pinkie was starting to tear up.

Supervisor just looked at her with a warm expression.

"Close your eyes Pinkie." He said "And think really hard on one of your friends. Think of a memory that means a lot to you."

Pinkie thought long and hard and suddenly she started humming.

"…We're Apples together… Apples together...We're family but so much more…"

When she opened her eyes all of the apple family was just there. Applejack was waving her hoof at her sitting on top of the supervisors desk looking not a day older then she did in that memory. She even had her hat. Applebloom was standing right beside her as well as Big Macintosh and even Granny Smith.

They weren't ghosts either they looked as real to Pinkie as they did in real life.

"Howdy Pinkie! It's sure has been a while! Heh!"

Pinkie just stared at her when she suddenly burst into tears and grappled Applejack into a fierce hug.

"I've -sniff- missed you -sniff- so much!" She blubbered in her ear.

"Shh, It's okay Sugarcube. It's okay." Applejack was trying to soothe the alicorn, patting her awkwardly on her neck. All of the other Apples joint in on the hug. It appeared that Pinkie really did miss them a whole bunch and had a lot of tears to shed.

Not even the Supervisor could keep his face dry at such a powerful display of friendship.

"Are you really real?" Pinkie whispered in Applejacks ear.

"Yes Pinkie I'm really real." Applejack said smiling. "Never been more real, and so are Applebloom, Granny Smith and Big Mac."

"Eeyup."

"And anypony else you would wanna see." Granny Smith added.

Pinkie Pie was just enjoying the group hug. Being so close to her old friends was so incredibly soothing. Knowing that friendship was eternal like this felt like an enormous weight has been lifted from her shoulders. One she never realized was there.

Drowsily another memory came from her subconscious and wormed itself to the forefront. A much older memory, one from when she was just a filly.

"...Pinkie you gotta stand up tall..."

And when she looked up she was no longer hugging Applejack but instead an elderly mare with a graying mane and a bright red coat. Applebloom, Big Mac and Granny Smith had disappeared.

"Granny Pie! It's so good to see you. Wait! Where did the Apples go?"

"One at a time Pinkie" Granny Pie said. "Don't be greedy."

"Okay Granny." Pinkie secretly knew she had plenty of memories of parties with loads of ponies if she wanted to well… have a party.

"Good Filly." Granny Pie said knowing full well what went through her grandfoal's mind. "Now tell me, did you live your life to the fullest? Did you get your Pinkie sense under control? I always worried about that you know."

"Yes Granny I did. And I also learned a bunch of other cool stuff. Like canons and baking and things that go woosh and -" Granny Pie quickly prevented a rant by putting a hoof in her mouth. Knowing how long those could get.

"That's lovely dear. Now give your old granny a proper hug."

Pinkie did just that. "Wait how come you're old? Aren't you supposed to being young and juicy again?"

The old mare laughed. "That's because old is how you remember me silly filly. That's how that works. The memory you used makes me an old lady."

"Wait then where are you now really?"

"I'm here really. But I'm also a foal right now in another world really. It's best not to think to much on it. It can get confusing quickly."

"I'll say."

"Don't worry about it Pinkie the fact that you can make me appear like this means that my soul has grown as well as your own."

"If I may interject." Supervisor interjected. "That is basically the point of living. To make friends and to have meaningful relationships with other souls."

"So… The meaning of life is parties? Ha I knew it. Wait what about slugs? They can't party. Can't they grow there souls? What about the slugs!"

Granny Pie and the Supervisor shared a look. "Uhm, slugs and other such animals and most plants are what we call proto-souls. When they die we usually smash a bunch of them together. When we do that we get an original soul. One that can interact with other souls." Supervisor explained.

"That's not to say that there aren't a lot of souls that like to reincarnate as a slug or a tree or a dog or whatever. It's generally very peaceful. Most souls do it as a bit of a vacation from all the complex life that happens otherwise. In fact your friend Applejack is currently a tree on the apple family orchard. I believe it's a bit of a tradition for them."

"Oh that sounds like a lovely tradition." Granny Pie said. "Maybe us rockfarmers should try something similar? Then again the rock life seems dreadfully dull so maybe not."

Supervisor agreed that it was a rather lovely sentiment. "Be that as it may why don't we leave this dreary office for a tour of the Heavenly Realms?"

"Hey my office isn't dreary!" Death took offense at that. "It's old fashioned chic."

"Death your office is brown and beige. It's dreary."

"Yeah sorry Death, it's pretty dreary." Pinkie pie added

"Well If y'all are gonna tour the heavenly realms I'm just gonna poof back into your soul Pinkie. These old bones aren't meant for walking."

Granny Pie did just that with a soft poof noise she disappeared again. Pinkie could feel that something was added back deep inside. It was an odd snugly feeling.

"Alright let's go."

xxx

Pinkie was walking alongside Supervisor and she was ooing and aaing at everything she saw. The heavenly realms where exquisitely beautiful and as such incredibly distracting.

"What's that?"

"That's the corridor of the skies. It leads to the gaseous worlds."

"Neat. And what's that?"

"That's a tree I believe you have those in Equestria as well."

"Oh, and what's that yellow stuff?"

"Uhm, heavenly light? I don't really know. I've never thought to ask."

"Cool, and what's that creature?"

"That's a skrunk. They hale from the jungle planet of Kibblebib"

On and on the questions came. During that time they traveled along all the environs the Heavenly Realms had to offer including the Really-big-ocean and the Not-as-big-but-still-very-impressive-lake. Every now and again Pinkie would poof in an old friend to have a chat with or to show something of to Supervisor.

Time passed lazily or not at all depending on your perspective when they entered a lovely square looking building in the biped primate quarter. Suddenly they heard a heart wrenching wail coming from one of the offices they just walked passed. Pinkie and Supervisor gave each other a look before deciding to investigate. The Heavenly Realms were no place for heart wrenching wails after all.

When they entered the office the first thing they noticed was the smell. Stale sweat and coffee. There was an odd bipedal creature pulling on the mane on his head. It had no hair anywhere else and instead wore clothes. Perhaps it had pulled all of it's hair out and the patch on his head was all that's left? Poor thing. Pinkie would wear clothes to if she pulled out her coat hair. O wait she was wearing a dress!

Supervisor closed the door behind him."What's going on in here?" He asked not unkindly.

"It's all gone crazy man! It's all gone crazy! The stupid death eaters gonna 'cause the whole thing to collapse. It's game over man, it's game over!"

"Alright calm do-"

"It starts in Britain and then it spreads man! There's no stopping it! No stopping it I say!" He started raving in earnest now, about the end of the world and something called a Voldemort.

Supervisor ran up to the creature and slapped him in the face. Not a pleasant feeling since hooves are quite hard. Still it seemed to get the point across.

"Thanks, I-I needed that." The tall biped said recovering himself. "My name's Steve. I apologize for that display. I've found myself in a right tizzy."

Pinkie stepped forward and pulled Steve in an awkward hug. "That's okay Stevy. Is your tizzy a doozy? Tell your auntie Pinkie Pie all about it. Maybe she can help."

"Who's Pinkie Pie?"

"I'm Pinkie Pie." She said as she let him go.

"O, right well okay. It all started when the god of this world decided to take a break and go for some fresh scones. He said he would be right back and well, that was six – no seven thousand years ago. I've been hitting buttons on the console and I've managed to set the autopilot but things have slowly started getting worse."

Steve put his face in his hands."Geez I'm not ready for this man! I'm just an intern! I was only supposed to learn a little bit about how the system works."

Supervisor stepped behind the console. "May I?"

"Please do."

He started to run some diagnostics. "How many souls are in this system?"

"Approximately six billion conscious."

"Six billion, and you're using a world-o-tron 2000? I don't think that's designed with such a big world in mind."

Steve made a low groan. Pinkie stepped behind him and started to rub his back.

One of the machines on the side started to print a long scroll of paper. Supervisor started to move towards it when suddenly an alarm started blazing, red lights started whirring and an artificial voice sounded through the intercom.

"Warning."

"Warning."

"A level nine cataclysmic event is imminent. Manual override and divine intervention required."

"Warning."

"Warning-."

Steve started screaming and pulling on his hair "It's starting man! It's starting!"

Pinkie moved towards Supervisor.

"That sounds bad. Is it bad?"

"Pretty bad Pinkie. Basically means that this world is about to end unless we do something."

"Maybe I can help?"

The Supervisor rose from his console and gave her a thoughtful look.

"No I don't think so Pinkie. You don't have any experience yet with these consoles."

He continued pushing buttons and pulling on doohickeys.

"Shoot it's already to far gone. Nothing can stop it now."

"But what will happen to those souls?"

Supervisor was thinking for a moment. "I don't know actually I've never had this happen before. Things never got so bad for us. I tell you what it's nothing good."

"Come on there must be something we can do!"

"I'm sorry, there's noth-"

"Wait!" Suddenly Steve jumped up from his chair. "You said your name was Pinkie Pie? The new goddess?"

"Yeah I guess so? Why?"

Steve turned towards Supervisor. "What about a retrograde divinity injection?"

"The world-o-tron doesn't-"

"We won't use the console, instead we'll inject directly into the timeline, it will force changes that could fix everything!"

"You don't know that! And we couldn't ask that of Pinkie. She doesn't know-"

"I'll do it! I'll do the retrograde… thing!"

"Pinkie nobody has done anything like this before. We don't know what effect it will have on the world or on you."

"But we gotta do something!"

Supervisor looked at Pinkie for a long while. The alarms and warnings were still ringing.

"Steve, mute the system please."

When Steve pushed the button the office became eerily quiet.

"Pinkie let me explain. There's a reason why the gods don't directly interact with worlds. They could lose their divinity. Not only that but once you're inside you won't remember your friends until you return back here and because the souls of your friends are still part of you this can have curious effects."

"But what about all the other reincarnations? They've got friends that are part of them to don't they?"

"The difference is scale Pinkie. Your connections are stronger and you have more of them. A lot more"

"Still doesn't sound very scary. I trust my friends"

Supervisor gave her a look. Suddenly he burst out laughing. "Well if losing something that other souls have worked multitudes of lifetimes to achieve doesn't scare you who am I to say otherwise. I couldn't even if I wanted to. You're the boss Pinkie don't forget it!."

"Great then let's do this thing!"

"Alright, Steve grab a screwdriver and open the console."

Steve pulled a screwdriver from somewhere and started fidgeting with the screws on the bottom.

The supervisor started rummaging through desk drawers when suddenly he pulled out a truly massive syringe. It was about the size of a waste container.

"Alright Pinkie, bend over."

"Wha- what?"

"Sorry, that was a joke. We will need this syringe though."

In the meantime Steve had unscrewed the console cover. "Sir, ma'am, I've isolated the timeline."

Supervisor and Pinkie moved towards the console. There was only a red piece of string running between one end of the console and the other. It didn't look very impressive.

"Pinkie I request permission to de-bodify you."

"Granted."

Supervisor transformed Pinkie back into a floating ball of light. He removed the plunger of the syringe with an audible plop. Pinkie floated inside of the syringe and Supervisor put the plunger back on. Inside the syringe all sounds suddenly ceased. Pinkie was a little nervous but she knew she could do this.

"Alright Steve now help me aim this thing."

Together they grabbed the syringe and tried to poke the red string. That didn't work so Steve opted to just hold the string up to the syringe and that worked much better. Supervisor pushed the plunger down.

"We'll be keeping an eye on things from this end Pinkie and we'll help you if we can."

Pinkie heard nothing of that. All she saw was redness then blackness.

Then she felt some severe awkwardness followed by warmness and coziness.

Wait what was the plan again?

Then came some pushiness followed by tightness followed by wetness, coldness and brightness.

And then she just felt like screaming.

xxx

**A/N _Susanne Sundfor – Reincarnation_**

**It's mood music to digest the chapter.**


	3. 2: The Most Ancient House Of Pie

**Chapter 2: The Most Ancient House Of Pie**

"Congratulations misses Pie, it's a beautiful healthy baby girl."

The nurse quickly put a blanket around the crying newborn and floated her over towards the parents who were cooing over their new offspring. She cast some more diagnostic charms to double check and found everything to be normal.

"A healer will come by shortly to patch you up."

Igneous thanked the nurse and continued staring at his new daughter. His fourth.

"Look at that little tuft of hair. It almost looks pink." Claudia agreed with her husband. Then she smiled.

"Pinkie, that's what we'll call her. Pinkamena Diane Pie."

Igneous looked at his wife and gave her a tender kiss. And returned to gazing at their new daughter.

xxx

**3 ½ years later**

Pinkie was a smart girl. Mummy says daddy isn't coming home today but Pinkie knows. Her elbows were creaky.

Daddy's coming home today so she sneaked out of her bed and waited for him in the garage. He's going to be so surprised! Daddy liked Pinkie's surprises.

…

…

…

"This is taking to long!" She thought so she gathered a bunch of garage rubbish together and stacked it so that she could reach the door opener. When the door was open and she gracefully fell of the stack on her butt.

"Owie."

She realized that her daddy won't actually come any quicker when the garage was open. Still the fresh air was nice. It was a beautiful summer evening. The sun was still on the horizon red though it might be and it was still lovely and warm outside.

Suddenly Pinkie could hear the roar of an engine. He's coming! Pinkie jumped into the pile of rubbish she created.

The car came closer now. Louder and louder the engine went.

Then there it was. Daddy's home!

The door opened and he stepped out of the car cautiously. Wand at the ready. The garage door was open but there was nobody in sight. That was not right.

"SURPRISE!"

Igneous was so startled that he dropped his wand. Pinkie jumped out of the pile and started running towards her dad.

"Were you surprised? Huh? Were you? Were you?"

"Very surprised." Pinkie's dad said picking her up and placing her in his arms."Aren't you supposed to be in bed sleeping?"

"No." She said giggling "My elbows were creaky so I knew you would be home today. So I waited in that pile over there to surprise you and then I waited and then you came in the car and then I yelled SURPRISE! And then you dropped your wand and picked me up and asked me whether or not I'm supposed to be sleeping which is clearly not what I'm supposed to be doing."

"Because your elbows were creaky."

"Yeah." She nodded.

"You're a little rapscallion you are." Igneous started making raspberries on her belly.

Pinkie started laughing and giggle snorting.

"Come on let's go talk to your mum about your little escapades."

Igneous picked Pinkie up and carried her under his arm like a sack of potatoes. Pinkie climbed all over her father with the dexterity of a spidermonkey and when they entered the living room they found Pinkies mother sipping on some freshly brewed hot tea.

"Hey there beautiful! Look what I found!"

"O Igneous you're home!" She quickly put down her tea and gave her husband a kiss.

"Eww gross."

Claudia finally noticed Pinkie on top her husbands neck dangling precariously of of him.

"Now that is odd, I distinctly remember putting you to bed young lady." She scolded taking Pinkie from her husband. "You wanna tell me how you got in the garage?"

"O that's easy, I climbed out of bed, put on some clothes and just walked over there."

"And pray tell what gave you the inclination to do that?"

"My elbows were creaky."

"Pinkie we've talked abou-" But then some cogs started turning inside Claudia's head. Her husband was standing right here. Inside the living room very much early.

"I surprised dad! It was a lotta fun. I'm gonna go to bed now. I'm kinda tired." Pinkie skipped her way towards the stairs and crawled her way to her room.

"I'll check up on you soon so don't get any more funny ideas!" Claudia shouted up the stairs snapping out of her ruminations.

"That child's way to weird sometimes."

Igneous embraced his wife from behind and kissed her neck "Let's just count our blessings. She wasn't the only one, remember what Maud was like?"

"Yes, but that was different though. Pinkie really did know you would be home early."

"Maybe she's a seer?"

"...No I don't think so." Claudia grinned. "It's not nearly nebulous enough." She turned around to look at her husband. "I guess you're right, let's just count our blessings." She grabbed a cup of tea for her husband and they sat down in the living room discussing Igneous latest business trip.

xxx

**6 months later**

Claudia was worried. Pinkie was shivering in her bed. She had taken her temperature but there was nothing wrong with it. She stroked her daughters curly oddly colored hair and gave her a kiss on her forehead.

"I-i-it's o-o-o-okay m-m-m-mum. I-i-it d-d-d-doesn't h-h-hurt. I-i-i-t's j-just a w-w-weird f-f-feeling."

Claudia Smiled wanly at Pinkie.

There was a knock on the door.

"You can come in."

Maud entered the room holding a dish with some fruit, a sandwich and a glass of milk.

"I've made breakfast."

"That's very thoughtful of you Maud. Thank you."

Maud placed the food on the bedside table and sat next her mother.

Silence settled in the room accept for Pinkies rattling against her bed. They sat like that for quite a while Claudia stroking Pinkies hair. When suddenly the shaking finally stopped.

"Wow I don't know what that was but it was a doozy. I'll have that breakfast now." She gulped the food down faster then was humanly possible.

Maud and Claudia sat looking at their youngest family member looking a little flabbergasted.

"Are you okay now Pinkie?" Maud asked. "Is it over?"

Pinkie shrugged. "I tell you what, I want out of this bed though. Let's go bake a cake!" she couldn't explain it but she was feeling a nervous energy that could only be resolved through the creation of baked goods. With a snap of her wrist she removed the comforter and jumped out of bed. Ready to seize the day.

xxx

It was going to be an old fashioned apple pie. filled to the brim with delicious apples, raisins cinnamon and the secret ingredient: other.

First she diced the apples in tiny little bits. In the meantime Maud was working the dough. Maud was good at that. She was really strong. Claudia kept a close eye on Pinkie making sure she was safe with the knife. It didn't matter, Pinkie knew what she was doing.

Once everything was sliced, diced, mixed and kneaded it was time for assembly. First though the pie bottom had to be set. Fifteen minutes in the oven it shall go. This way the filling wouldn't soak through the bottom all that delicious juicy goodness when it starts baking.

After that was done they put the filling in. After that they covered the filling with strips of dough and weaved them over and under. And then it was time to put it in the oven for realsies this time.

Pinkie and Maud where sitting in front of the oven looking in. This was the most exciting bit. When you could see the dough turn that delicious golden brown and the smell of home baking filled the whole house. Mabel and Lime, Pinkies other sisters, came barreling in from the living room.

"Pinkie!" Lime shouted."Are you baking again?!"

"Uh huh" Pinkie responded to Lime distractedly, her gaze intent on the oven.

Mabel and Lime sat beside Pinkie and Maud.

"Tell us again about the oven Pinkie."

"The oven is a mysterious devise that turns ordinary household foodstuffs into delicious cakes and pies. It was used since ancient times and may in fact be the oldest cooking method there is. For the ancient ones knew that the application of heat on dough and sweet fruits was the way to go."

"The butter would melt, the eggs would solidify, the sugar would dissolve and the flour would just sort of hold it all together. The perfect harmony of crunchy, chewy, sweet and sour are all at our fingertips with this wonderful machine."

Pinkie started stroking the oven gently. "This particular model has a maximum temperature of 350 degrees Celsius. That's 662 degrees Fahrenheit. It has a self-cleaning function and the interior is lined with a stainless steel alloy capable of withstanding extreme temperatures."

"When it is baking a pie like it is now only the outer heating elements will turn on. This allows for even heat distribution and makes certain that the pie will bake evenly all the way through."

All the Pie sisters gave a satisfied sigh.

Pinkie loved reciting the infomercial.

Once the oven made a satisfying ding noise the pie was ready. Lime placed it in the windowsill when she noticed something.

"Girls it's snowing!"

A desperate struggle ensued wherein four girls desperately tried to look outside a window while making sure that the pie stays in place. Followed by quickly scurrying towards the door and putting on jackets, scarfs, hats and mittens.

Claudia made sure everybody was wrapped up nice and snug and decided that you know what? It's a nice day might as well join 'm for a bit of winter revelry. And this way she could keep an eye on Pinkie.

And so it happened on this lovely day that four children and their mother started a snowball fight that escalated into a great snowball war with every member of the pie family on the estate. Snowmen where made and transfigured, forts where built and reinforced, cannons out of seemingly nowhere fired great dollops of snow at the different factions. "The Great Scuffle" as it was called lasted well into the sunset. Claudia was about to call the girls when she heard something.

From the western hills a strange otherworldly howling sounded across the estate. Everybody who heard it stopped and listened. It was a beautiful moment in the early evening moonlight. The moment got disturbed however by the sound of an engine in full throttle.

Pinkie knew that sound. It was daddy's car! The sound was coming closer quickly as did the strange musical howling. There was a tension building in the air. When Pinkie looked at her mother for assurances, she did not find them. Her mother looked scared.

When her father rounded the corner and came speeding towards them, she saw what caused her fear.

They looked vaguely like wolves only they had far to many eyes and far to many mouth's that had far to many teeth. The wolves didn't seem to run as to glide across the snow.

"Bombarda!"

Her mother didn't hesitate as her spell flew true, yet the creature she was aiming for seemed to disintegrate, letting the spell fly right through it. He reformed seconds later none the worse for wear.

The spell exploded harmlessly behind.

"Shit."

Pinkie never heard her mother swear before. Her mother picked her up in one arm. With the other she was flinging spells towards the creatures. Other adults where taking her example and started casting magic of their own.

"Girls get in the house!" Claudia kicked in the door. Right at that moment her father came sliding in and crashed the car against the tree in the front garden. The airbags popped and he was trapped in the crumpled car. The creatures where upon his car like vultures upon carrion.

"WHY! DADDY!" Pinkie's shrill cry echoed over the estate.

Claudia threw Pinkie inside the house and ran towards the demons casting terrible magic Pinkie never thought possible, surely mommy would protect them?

Maud caught pinkie with both arms put her on the ground and shut the door.

"No! Mom and dad are still out there!" Lime shouted at her sister. "We have to go sa-"

One of the windows exploded inward and one of the creatures grabbed Lime by the throat and bit.

Blood. To much blood. Lime was dying. Pinkie knew it with a certainty that only death could bring.

Mabel was next, the creature didn't even try to eat them it was death they wanted.

The wolf started to move towards Maud but Pinkie was faster. She grabbed the pie from the windowsill and threw it at the foul thing with all the strength her four year old body could muster.

The pie wobbled through the air but struck the creature right in it's many eyes, and where none of the spells proved useful a piece of pie seemed to do the trick.

An otherworldly howl rang through the house. The wolf creature tried to get the pie out of it's eyes.

"Run Pinkie!" Maud threw a vase through the window on the opposite side."Run!" Maud grabbed Pinkie and helped her climb through the window. "Go!"

Pinkie wasn't brave. She knew that. She wanted to stay with Maud but she was to scared. So she ran.

She ran. She ran. She ran. Passing burning houses and trees. Towards the sea sight blurred with tears..

She could still hear the creatures behind her howling and following. When she reached the sea, exhausted and with raggedy breath. The creatures were closing in on her. She just wanted to be somewhere else.

She fell on her knees in the cold salty water.

Anywhere else.

And with a loud crack she disappeared.

xxx

**A/N _Susanne Sundfor – Mantra_**


	4. 3: The Evening Prophet

_**Evening Prophet**_

_**PIE FAMILY MASSACRE!**_

_Last night one of the oldest and most well known families in all of wizarding Britain has been senselessly massacred by agents yet unknown. The Pie family, one of the most eccentric and well liked families in the country and one of the sacred twenty-nine was found slaughtered this morning by friends of the family._

_Initial investigation __revealed that the victims __appeared to be__ assaulted by wild animals. Aurors on the scene report this as unlikely__ since none of the victims were eaten. __Werewolves__ also seem __improbable__ because of the lack of survivors. __Transfiguration seems the most likely murder __magic__ but even then we are left with far more questions then answers. __For m__otive and possible __involvement of__ death eater __remnants or sympathizers __further investigation is required._

_Why didn't they simply apparate away? To that question__ the aurors could only speculate. __It's possible__ that the family was trying to protect their non-magical __relatives__ on the estate. It is well known that the __P__ie family did not send squibs away and __they had a strong connection to the muggle world._

_Evidence suggest that the Pie family __was expecting this fight __however__.__ Everywhere you look there are battlements with cannon lining the streets._

_Whatever tragic fate has befallen these people, for those left behind it shall at least for now remain a mystery._

_F__or the full history of the Pie family see page 6.  
__For a eulogy by Albus Dumbledore see page 9.  
__For funeral arrangements and opportunities to pay respects see page __10._

xxx

**A/N **_**Vagrant Story OST - Closed Lea Monde skip the first thirteen seconds.**_


	5. 4: Seven Years Later

**Seven years later.**

Albus Wulfric Brian Dumbledore sat behind his desk staring at a letter.

_Pinkamena Diane Pie_

_Happy Oaks Orphanage_

_Female Dormitory_

_Middlemost Bed_

The letter sat on top of the muggleborn stack but Albus wondered about that last name and hoped.

Fawkes his phoenix chirped and flew around for a moment deciding to land on the desk stationary asking for scratches. Albus obliged him.

He was interrupted from his musing by a knock at the door. It was his deputy the gargoyle informed him and quickly bid her entry in his office.

"Morning Albus." She walked to his desk. "Are these the ones for me?"

"Indeed they are Minerva. Though I wondered if you would allow me the privilege of taking one of your hands."

Minerva McGonagall looked a little surprised. It was a long time since Dumbledore went to visit a muggleborn.

"Do you want Harry Potter?" She looked sternly over her glasses "It's not very decent to pretend you care now."

Albus gave her a look. "You know as well as I do that there was no other option. Do you really believe that I did not try? Who was left to take him in? Remus? Lucius would have him under his control before you can say 'werewolf.' The longbottoms? I feared they would not be safe and those fears proved prophetic."

"I would have taken him!"

His gaze softened "I know you would have. And you would be good for him. But it would be far to easy for Lucius to claim favoritism. Or to hound you very for every little slight. An army of solicitors and practically infinite amounts of money give a man power and the truth of the matter is despite my many titles I do not have nearly as much. Only secrecy could keep him safe. This I know."

"… I'm sorry."

"Save your breath for cooling your porridge Minerva." He said gently "Truth is… I've felt quite similar lately. I keep thinking, maybe there was something I missed, maybe there is someone. But there never is."

Albus turned his gaze towards the letter he was reading.

"It's this one actually." He handed her the letter. "The last time I had to go to an orphanage is sadly seared into my memory." Albus looked away for a second. "I'd like to make sure the circumstances are not similar."

Minerva sighed. "I understand. Still who did you have in mind for Harry?"

"I thought Hagrid could be a fun option. He is after all, quite magical."

"True, but he's hardly the most responsible..."

"Agreed, I shall talk with Hagrid after, should he have left something out I can make arrangements then."

"I still find it hard to stomach that we put Harry with those muggles." She conjured a chair and sat down. She eyed the bowl of lemon drops and took one.

Albus opened his desk drawer and gave his phoenix an owl treat.

"I know Minerva. I know." He scratched his beard for a moment. "Let us make certain that his days here at Hogwarts at least will be spectacular."

xxx

Albus stood in front of the orphanage in his flamboyant robes. He hoped it would get a good laugh from the children. Looking around the front yard he didn't see anything untoward. It maybe needed a little weeding but it was hardly a disaster area. The whole place felt old but cared for.

The telltale tingle of magic was certainly prevalent in the air. There was no doubt that someone magical lived here.

Having dallied long enough Albus decided to ring the doorbell.

Instead of the pitter patter of people rushing for the door, the door instead opened with an eerie creaking. The hallway ahead was dark and ominous...

Instantly alert, Albus drew his wand and slowly moved into the darkness. There was another door ahead and he decided to cast a silent homenum revelio. The results made no sense whatsoever. He proceeded with caution.

Slowly he lowered the door handle and entered the orphanage proper.

"SURPRISE!" sixteen voices shouted in unison. From the ceiling loud popping noises where heard and confetti fell down like rain.

Getting startled so completely caused Albus to throw his wand in the air. As he did so he noticed an enormous banner spreading from wall to wall. WELCOME NEW FRIEND! It said in big colourful letters.

In front of him was a girl balancing on an odd bicycle with only a singular green wheel. A unicycle? She had a red bulb on her nose and she was juggling what looked like small baked goods.

Her hair was a very distinct colour and he noticed that she caught his wand with ease and was juggling it with the same grace as the other items.

"Hi, welcome to Happy Oaks!" she said. "You're a little older then our usual guests but I'm sure we can find a place for you."

"I don't think he's here to be a resident Pinkie." An older lady spoke.

"Aw that's to bad. I wonder why he triggered my Pinkie-sense. Hey do you want a cupcake? I think I got one that fits your jammies."

Albus recovered from his freight quickly and smiled. "How could I refuse? Especially after such a welcome."

One of the other children threw a plate at Pinkie all the way from the kitchen but she caught it deftly and gave it to Albus cupcake included.

Albus noticed that the cupcake indeed had the same pattern as his robes had. Purple with yellow moons. He took a great big bite and for a brief flash remembered all the good things in his life. His friendships with his teaching staff, his joy of teaching, his love for muggle candy and so many more other things both small and big. This was no ordinary piece of confection. He finished the remainder and felt... oddly privileged.

"I can say without a shadow of a doubt that that was the best cupcake I've ever tasted."

The fact that it was the first cupcake he ever tasted need not be mentioned.

"Yay!" Pinkie squealed and threw the remaining cupcakes to all the other residents. It appeared that this was some sort of tradition as all the children of the Happy Oaks Orphanage soon went there separate ways after that.

Pinkie rode her odd contraption outside following a couple of other children. She stumbled a bit on the doorstep but she made do.

Albus extended his hand toward the matron of the orphanage. "Hello my name is Albus Dumbledore I'm the headmaster at Hogwarts school of Witchcraft and Wizardry."

She went up and shook his hand. "Hi, I'm Maddie and I run things here at Happy Oaks. Did you say witchcraft and wizardry?"

"Indeed I did. Perhaps it would be best if we took a seat?"

"Yes of course. Did Pinkie sent you a letter?" Maddie asked as Albus sat down and she went to grab them some tea to wash that cupcake down with.

"Ah no, but I am here because of Pinkamena. Tell me have you ever noticed anything strange about her? Did she ever made odd things happen?"

Maddie put the tea in front of Albus, gave him a look and then she burst out in laughter. He looked a little lost and when Maddie looked up she burst in laughter again. A full on belly laugh.

"I'm sorry sir. I'm sorry." She said hiccuping as she sat down "Yes I do believe we have noticed a little adherence to the strange. She calls it her Pinkie sense. We have grown to trust it here at Happy Oaks."

"O really? Could you give an example?"

"Well for one thing she always knows when there is going to be a new resident. She would say that's she's going to make a new friend on such and such day. In fact that's how we gave you your little surprise party."

"How extraordinary."

"Quite. We've just decided to accept it. Any attempt at testing it have proven fruitless anyway. To be honest at first I thought she was reading my correspondence somehow but it turned out not to be the case."

"What about her other schooling? Any problems? Bullying?" Albus took a sip from his tea. It was rather delicious. Some sort of fruity aftertaste.

"No she's friends with pretty much everybody. But perhaps it's best you told me why you're here and your interest in Pinkie Pie."

"Right I'm so sorry it has been a while since I did one of these. Let me start over. In fact maybe it is best if we invited Pinkamena here with us? She could probably corroborate what I will reveal and-"

"I'm here!" Pinkie jumped out of a potted plant and startling Albus into dropping his tea on his robes. She placed the plant back in it's pot and removing some dirt from her hair.

After the initial adrenaline spike Albus started thinking about what he'd just seen. He could've sworn he saw Pinkie going away with the other kids. So how did she get out of a potted plant of all things. One smaller then she was no less.

Magic is truly a wondrous thing.

Maddie however simply shook her head in resignation. She'd seen weirder.

"I'm sorry about your tea!"

Recovering quickly Albus removed his wand from his robe. "That is alright Pinkie. Please observe." and cleared the beverage from his person.

"Tadaa."

Pinkie started applauding "Whoo-hoo! Well done! Encore Encore!"

"Alright let us do one more spell." He turned his teacup into a brightly coloured newt.

"Cool!"

"You will one day be able to do the same. You are a witch Pinkie." The newt scurried away and climbed up the wall.

"Well I knew that! Just couldn't tell now could I. Because of the statue."

"The statute Pinkie." Hold on. If Pinkie already knows about magic then chances are that she was in fact part of the wizarding Pie family. Albus made a mental note to ask about that later.

"Excuse me, what statute?"

Albus proceeded to explain everything there was to know about the magical world. He told Maddie about the need for secrecy, about purebloods and prejudices. Pinkie made a fart noise. He told them about Hogwarts and Diagon Alley. Maddie asked if the other children where allowed to know about magic. They were, because Pinkie considered them her family.

"I understand this is all rather much to take in. Because of that I have brought some folders for everyone to peruse at their leisure." Albus removed some from his robes and gave them to Maddie.

"Oh, the pictures are moving. That's lovely." They had title's like: 'Welcome to the magical world.' and 'So your sister's a witch.'

Albus smiled at her. He always enjoyed those little moments when people discovered magic for the first time."Indeed, now we need to set a date for me to take you to Diagon Alley to get your school supplies. How are you next Saturday?"

"I'm afraid we can't next Saturday. We're taking the kids to the zoo. They've been really looking forward to it."

"That's okay Maddie" Pinkie interjected. "Me and Albie can go together. And I can learn more about magic like a proper witch!"

"Don't you want to go to the zoo?"

"Of course I do silly but this is important. Tell 'm Albie!"

"I suppose it is important for Pinkie to get her supplies. But I do not see why Pinkie and I can not go to Diagon Alley and you to take the other kids to the zoo. I will make sure I am here bright and early. So we shall not be in the way."

"There you see? Perfectly fine and scheduled."

Albus moved himself towards the exit.

"Well I will be seeing you then. Miss Maddie it has been a pleasure."

Albus moved to leave the premises but Pinkie stopped him and gave him a hug. He awkwardly patted her on her back with a smile.

"Take care Albie"

"You to Pinkie."

Albus relinquished the hug with a smile and apparated away.

When he later arrived in Hogwarts and sat behind his desk to do some paperwork he found another cupcake in his pocket. It was delicious.

xxx

"I swear to god Jillian! If you don't knock it off, I'll kick you in the clunge so hard your clit will shoot out of your nostril!"

"What's a clunge?"

Pinkie did an actual spit-take and started laughing

Maddie had enough of these shenanigans and put a stop to them decidedly. "Jillian stop rocking the chair. Sophie stop corrupting the children, or I'll send the both of you to your room. Pinkie could you grab something to clean that up please?" Pinkie went and did just that.

"Gracious me. I thought we were passed this." she sat down at the head of the table when five year old Alfie jumped on her lap. "What's a clunge Maddie?"

Maddie gave Sophie a look and an exasperated sigh.

Sophie looked properly chastised. She did have a bit of a foul language problem. They were working on it.

"It's a rude word Alfie." Maddie said. "Anyway, would you be a dear and get everyone for supper?"

"Yes Maddie!" Alfie ran up the stairs and not long after a bunch of children ages varying from 5 to 18 ran down the stairs to get some dinner. Everybody sat down on their own designated spaces. And there was the general hullabaloo of a bunch of children at the dinner table.

"Everybody can I have your attention please? I have an announcement to make."

The table quieted as everyone listened to Maddie.

"I'm sure you've all talked among yourselves about the elderly gentleman that was her this afternoon."

"He had funny clothes."

"Yes Alfie he did, that's because he was a wizard. And he came to tell us that our very own Pinkie is also a wizard. Well a witch technically. I believe it to. I saw him turn a teacup into a newt."

"You've met Rodger?" Grace asked innocently.

"Rodger?"

She pulled a yellow newt that was struggling in her hand from her sweater pocket and showed it to everyone at the table.

"Grace that's disgusting!" Sophie said. "Put that thing away! We're eating"

Grace put Rodger back in her sweater where he started to fall asleep again.

"Are you serious? You're joking surely." Mark asked, one of the older children at the orphanage.

"No, I'm keeping Rodger!" Grace replied angrily.

"I'm not talking about Rodger, I'm talking about magic."

"You've met Pinkie right?" Lewis said sarcastically. "You can't be that surprised."

Maddie showed Mark the flyers with the moving pictures on them. "Apparently the wizarding world likes to keep itself secret. Share those with everyone would you." Maddie sat back down at the foot of the table. "So I'm allowed to tell you all this because we are Pinkies family but it is very important that everyone keeps this a secret. So Alfie you're not allowed to tell anyone Pinkie's a witch okay?"

"Okay Maddie."

What followed were the obvious questions among the children such as 'am I a wizard?' and 'how do you become a witch?' and so on. Not to mention some Pinkie poking to see if she would do things.

"That's not all everyone." The children quieted down again. "Pinkie's also going to have to go to another school. She's going to Hogwarts school of witchcraft and wizardry in Schotland. It is a boarding school which means that she won't be here for long periods of time."

Alfie immediately started crying. "Pinkie's leaving us!" He wailed.

"O silly." Pinkie said. "I'm not leaving you. I could never do that. I'll be over as often as I can."

"But who will make desert? And cupcakes and cakes?"

"Well I might be able send some of that stuff over. And who knows what sort of cool magical foods I'll find? I promise I'll send loads of weird stuff. And you can write me. I'm sure you can ask some of the others to help you."

Being adequately mollified by Pinkie, Maddie continued her explanation. "Albus wil be here next Saturday to pick Pinkie up to take her shopping for her magical supplies. Because of this she won't be able to make it to our trip to the zoo."

Maddie clapped her hands together.

"That's it for my announcements. Let's eat!"

And the hullabaloo continued.

Xxx

**A/N 02 - Old Home no hibi - Days At Old Home**


	6. 5: Banking With Albie

**Chapter 5: Banking with Albie**

Pinkie was bouncing on the couch in anticipation. The other children were watching Saturday morning cartoons but Pinkie couldn't really concentrate on them. She wanted to do something so she went into the kitchen to set up breakfast.

It was around that time people were coming down the stairs to do their morning business.

"Morning Pinkie."

"Morning Duncan. How was footy yesterday?"

"We won 1-0."

"O my gosh! You know what this calls for?"

"You can't throw a party Pinkie. You've got things to do."

"O right. Still..."

Pinkie grabbed one of her secret cupcakes from behind the radio and put it on Duncan's plate.

"Mini-party."

"Thanks Pinkie."

"So are you excited about your trip? Or a little bummed out because you can't go to the zoo with us."

"Yes. But it is what it is. I'm gonna see if I can find some cool stuff to bring home. Maddie has given me a small allowance to spend on magical things! It's going to be so much fun."

A lot more people started flowing into the eating room now and breakfast was just about to start.

"Breakfast!" Duncan shouted through the house. And those who weren't awake yet were so now.

There was a general buzz in the air as people started eating. The excitement for the zoo was mounting when the doorbell rang.

"I'll get it!" Pinkie zoofed towards the door. It was Albus.

"Hi Albie! Come in we're eating breakfast. Want some?"

"No thank you I already ate… You would not happen to have one of those cupcakes would you?"

"O Albie, even I know you can't eat cupcakes all the time." Nevertheless she pulled one from somewhere anyway.

"Here you go. It'll be our secret."

Albus took it happily eyes a-twinkling and put it in his pocket.

"I wanted to give this one to Minerva. She will be one of your teachers. I am sure you will like her and if I give her this, I am sure she will like you as well."

Albus greeted everyone gently when they entered the room. While Pinkie went to get her stuff. When she returned she had as small backpack with her.

"Let's go. Time's a waistin'.'" She said excitedly.

"Indeed it is." Albus turned towards the rest of Happy oaks residents.

"Everyone I will make sure she will be back around six. Have fun at the zoo."

Albus extended his arm towards Pinkie and she took it with both arms. And with a loud crack they apparated from the premises.

"Cool!" Observed Nico still a little sleepy.

Everyone agreed and continued eating.

Xxx

Pinkie and Albus reappeared in front of a dingy looking pub in London. Pinkie promptly vomited all over the street. Albus quickly cleared it up with a quick spell and went to her aid.

"I am so sorry I know some people can get a bit nauseous from apparation but I've never seen such a reaction."

"… I was everything…" She burped. "O dear." Albus quickly cast a quick diagnostic spell. The results came back normal. Just a particular violent reaction to apparation.

"Perhaps for the way back I can create a portkey for you. I think that would be better."

"Yeah." She said as she was standing up. "That's probably a good idea."

Never one to feel sorry for herself. "Well I guess this is a good excuse to try some delicious magical foodstuffs."

Albus had to laugh at that one.

"Ah then let us go to Gringotts first. We will need money if we are to purchase some food after all."

They entered the dingy pub that was called the Leaky Cauldron. The clientele greeted them warmly when they were directed to the back by a friendly looking bartender named Tom.

Albus tapped the wall in a peculiar pattern with his wand. It caused the bricks in the wall to slide to the side granting them access to Diagon Alley.

"Welcome back Pinkamena, to the magical world."

A cozy shopping street greeted them full of tiny magical shops. There were other children about with their parents buying their school supplies. One shop casually exploded none the worse for wear. The shopkeeper with a face covered in soot did shout not to mix the porcupine quills willy nilly to one of the children.

"This is my kinda place!"

Albus smiled at her knowingly. "Come on, Gringotts is this way."

xxx

They were greeted by Goblins wearing armour and long spears. Albus spoke to them in an abrupt sounding language he explained was called Gobbledygook. When entered the building proper the Goblin at the counter spoke in perfect English.

"Good afternoon Headmaster, what brings you to the Goblin nation this fine day?"

"We have come to retrieve 'you-know-what' from vault 'you-know-which' and to review the Pie family holdings. Should they prove to be insufficient we would like to set up an account for schooling.'

"I'm afraid that particular item has already been retrieved by your giant keeper of keys. As for the Pie account. There is a vault. It can only be entered by one of the family, I take you assume this girl to be an heir?"

"Ah, it seems Hagrid has pre-empted me. Indeed I do. Pinkie?"

"Pinkie stop poking the guards please, we are here on official business."

Pinkie skipped back towards the counter.

"I've made a new friend!" She turned towards the teller. "Hi, I'm Pinkie Pie. Would you like a Muffin?"

"I… Yes I would like a muffin."

"Here you go sweety."

"...I'm not a sweety…" The teller grumbled as he ate the muffin with gusto.

The Goblin cleared his throat.

"Anyway let me direct you towards mister Gorefist here. He shall take you to the carts that you will ride to your vault."

"Follow me please." He said while power-walking to stay in front of the long legged ones.

"Cool! I have a vault?"

"Your family apparently held one. We are going to investigate whether or not it will suffice for your schooling."

"But can't the orphanage pay for it?"

"Not completely. Do not worry yourself Pinkie, education is a right as well as a privilege. We will get your sorted."

"Thanks Albie. So are these the infamous carts?"

They stopped in front of a rickety looking minecart. Gorefist sat in front and there was a big seat in the back suited for the human passengers.

Pinkie and Albus took their seats and when Gorefist threw the switch the cart sped off into depths unknown at ludicrous speeds.

"Whee! This is fun Whoo-hoo!"

Suddenly the cart splashed through a waterfall also known as the thief's downfall. Positioned so that those covered in magical disguises would be revealed.

"Yay! Hey I'm not wet! Magic rules!"

Albus smiled at the exuberance of youth.

The cart made a few more death defying drops and loop-the-loops before coming to a halt. On their right was a giant door with many cogs embedded in it's masonry.

"Pie family vault, you can exit the vehicle on your right hand side." Gorefist said as he pointed towards some handily placed stairs next to the cart.

"Please mind your step."

"That was fun wasn't it." Pinkie gushed as they moved from the cart.

Pinkie was surprised with Albuss' flexibility as he moved quite gracefully from the cart.

"Indeed it was. I should go to Gringotts more often. Especially the journey to the older vaults is most thrilling."

When standing up close the Pie family vault was an impressive thing. It stood at least seven Pinkies tall and four Pinkies wide.

Gorefist ran his nail across the side and some of the cogs started turning and a small hole opened up on the side.

"I believe that is where you show proof of who you are."

"How do I do that?"

"I am not certain. Most older families used some of their blood. However the Pie family was always a little unorthodox. Please allow me."

Albus started to run his hands over the stone with his eyes closed. Trying to sense the magic that run through it. He muttered detection spells under his breath. The magic felt very similar to that of Pinkie but much more subdued. There was nothing there to give a hint of how to open the vault...

He was about to ask Pinkie for a drop of her blood when Pinkie pulled a cupcake from somewhere and put it through the hole.

"No Pinkie!"

The cogs started rumbling and rotating. Loud mechanical noises filled the cave and dust started to fall from the ceiling that was to far to see. Cupcakes were the key it seemed.

"He looked hungry to me."

When Albus took a closer look at the hole he could see where Pinkie was coming from. It looked like the mouth of a stylized horse, the sigil of house Pie looked very old and faded.

Gorefist was surprised. He never thought that the vault would be opened. he feared that he would be on cleaning duty after yet another vault security induced bloodbath. He did his duty and turned back towards the cart and let the long legged ones do their business.

When the doors slowly started to open Pinkie was suddenly overcome with nerves. She never thought they would make it this far to be honest. This was going to be the first time after...well after seven years, that she'd see something of her old family again. It didn't feel like a fun adventure at all. It was more like visiting the family tomb.

Albus and Pinkie stepped inside a giant poorly lit hall filled with absolutely nothing.

"You know after all this trouble this feels a little anticlimactic." Pinkie quipped despite not really knowing what she was feeling.

Albus pulled his wand from his sleeve and silently threw some balls of light to the four corners of the room. It was indeed very empty. There was nothing in the air that would indicate a spell or an illusion.

Pinkie noticed something shimmering though in the centre of the room when Albuss' spell flew passed.

"There is something in the middle."

Albus saw it to. It looked like a small object floating in mid-air. Carefully they moved towards it.

When they were close Pinkie reached out to touch it but Albus was quicker this time and held her back.

"Let us try to be cautious Pinkie. These old places can be incredibly dangerous and it would be a shame if after doing all that, that we should end up as an ugly stain in your vault."

He cast some detection spells but once again there was nothing. The Pie family was surprisingly trusting.

The object was rather small and did not actually float in mid-air but was instead attached to the roof with a very fine piece of string.

"Okay go ahead. It's fine as far as I can tell."

She grabbed it with both hands and unwrapped it. The wrapping turned out to be a piece of old tightly wound yellowed printer paper, inside it was a small metal object with a handle in the shape of a prancing horse.

"It's a key." She told Albus. "I wonder what it's for."

"May I have a look?"

"Sure."

She handed it over.

"It's made of a very strange metal I have never seen before. It's very beautiful."

"It's bismuth. My family used to mine it a long time ago I think."

"Ah, I did use it once during my alchemical experiments. Fascinating stuff. It makes the most beautiful crystals."

Albus was about to hand the key back to Pinkie when he noticed something.

"There is writing on that paper."

Pinkie turned the paper around and read.

xxx

_The body is but a vessel. A puppet to bend to the souls tyranny._

_And lo, the body is not eternal. For it must feed on the flesh of others, lest it return from the dust whence it came. _

_Therefore must the soul deceive, despise and murder men._

_\- Stervor Avaritia_

_xxx_

"Wow that's creepy" Pinkie handed the letter over to Albus. "I wonder what it means."

He read the letter and answered.

"It's a translated quote from the 'liber de magnis bellum.'"

"Gesundheit."

He had to laugh a little "It's one of the oldest books in Britain. It tells the tale of an ancient wizarding war between good and evil. Some believed that the original story is even older. That the book was itself transcribed from another more ancient civilisation."

"And this Stervor Avaritia? Who was he?"

"He was the...man that instigated the war."

"Why did you hesitate there?"

"Some believed he was a god. The book itself is very nebulous about it."

Pinkie looked at the key and the letter, just thinking. She unhooked the key from the string and folded the paper around it and put it in her backpack. When she looked up she had to know.

"...Do you think my family was evil?"

Albus knelt so that he could look her directly in the eye.

"There are few things in this world that I am completely sure of Pinkie. But I do know this. Your family was not evil."

She tried to look away but Albus held her arm.

"No, look at me Pinkie. I happen to know a great deal about what can be considered good and what can be considered bad. I don't like to think about it but I've fought in two wars and I've seen some things. Things that I would consider true evil. Your family was as far removed from those things as I believe any human being can be."

There was a moment of silence then Albus let go of her arm and stood up.

Pinkie nodded to him. She heard what he tried to say.

Xxx

The ride back up was decidedly less cheerful. The whole financial thing seemed far less important then the discoveries they made.

"Riddles and even more riddles." Albus was musing. "Pinkie, do you know what happened in your home seven years ago?"

"Yes."

"Do you think you could tell me?"

"I don't wanna talk about it."

"Pinkie it's important. There are a lot of people who have a lot of questions. People who cared deeply for you and your family and -"

"WE HATH SAID WE SHALL 'T NOT SPEAK OF IT!"

The already dark cave the cart was racing through turned even darker. The sound of Pinkies voice started echoing deep within. The cart itself seemed to shake upon it's wheels. When he looked at Pinkie he could have sworn he saw her eyes had turned to slits, the Irises a deep midnight blue.

Only for a moment and then it was gone.

Gorefist tried to school his startled countenance.

"Please keep the noise levels down inside the cart."

"Sorry."

Albus decided to waylay the subject for now. For self-preservation if nothing else.

**A/N The little letter is actually a direct quote from Vagrant story. It just fit so beautifully with the story I'm trying to tell that I couldn't resist.**


	7. 6: Shopping With Albie

**Chapter 6: Shopping with Albie**

"_May the rivers of Britain run red with the blood of your enemies.__"_ The teller spoke In Gobbledygook as Pinkie and Albus moved to leave the building, their financial business concluded.

Pinkie knew what this was! An opportunity to show that she was hip with the Goblins so to speak. That she knew the lingo and that she knew how to behave in proper Goblin culture.

"_And may the women of your enemies lay bleeding from your corrupted Goblin cock." _Pinkie replied solemnly in equally fluent Gobbledygook.

Albus was horrified. The Goblins were horrified. The other customers were confused on why everyone was horrified.

"What? I thought we were trying to gross each other out with our cruelty?"

The teller ran away crying "It's not corrupt, it's not!"

"I am afraid that Goblins are particularly sensitive concerning their manhood Pinkie. Where did you learn this particular phrase?"

She pointed towards the guard she was poking earlier. "He taught me some Goblin phrasing. But I may have mispronounced it some."

"What were you trying to say?"

"I hope your enemy's girlfriend likes you more."

"Well… You were close"

"What did I say?"

"Best not repeat it Pinkie. I think we've outstayed our welcome for today."

Albus manoeuvred Pinkie quickly towards the exit.

"Come on there is shopping to do."

xxx

First on the agenda were potion supplies. It's handy to have a cauldron to put your stuff in. Pinkie got all her first year potion materials making sure to be extra careful with the porcupine quills. The cauldron itself wasn't the best. It was a bit spotty. But who could beat those prices?

Books were next. She made some light conversation with a bushy haired girl in the bookstore who was really excited about books. She reminded her of someone but for the life of her she couldn't remember who. Together they found a lot of neat second hand books tucked away in dark dingy corner. This brought the excitement to whole new levels since now more books could be acquired. Pinkie wasn't certain but she thought she might've made a new friend in that little store.

Next came the trunk. It was your basic run'o the mill storage box made of some undefinable material. The owner seemed glad to be rid of it. Pinkie didn't mind. At home she had loads of stickers and glitter to decorate the trunk with. It could be a fun little project right before school.

Pinkie was starting to struggle lugging all these supplies around. Luckily Albus' shrinking charm is second to none. Pinkie stuffed everything in her trunk which Albus shrunk.

"I'm thrilled to have my junk in the shrunk trunk." She informed Albus.

"Indeed," Albus replied. "When you get home, make sure you spelunk in your shrunk trunk for your junk, lest it create a funk."

"O please, of course I will spelunk in my shrunk trunk to release the funk I'm not drunk."

"Perhaps you could place your thoroughly spelunked shrunk trunk underneath your bunk, it could clear up some gunk."

"I am not such a skunk to leave my spelunked shrunk trunk covered in gunk underneath my bunk."

"Verily, but even if you debunk the being of a skunk could leave their spelunked shrunk trunk covered in gunk underneath their bunk, I would not have thunk you to slam dunk an old drunk you little punk."

"..."

Pinkie and Albus started laughing together.

"Wow, I think you won that one." Pinkie said.

"O hardly, I believe many of those were not real words."

After that little moment it was time to continue their quest for more school supplies. Or so it should have gone. Instead Pinkie was once again distracted by something in the magical world. A small little pet store was seemingly hiding in between two pillars. Pan's Pets it was called.

"O look there's a pet store over there! Do you think we can have a little lookyloo?"

"Of course. Lead the way."

The little store sold all sorts of cute critters. Pinkie saw small adorable rodents to gawk at and fish that made blub noises.

Albus looked on and was wrestling with the idea of giving Pinkie an owl. While technically against the rules for a headmaster to do so. It could really help with communication with the orphanage.

Ah, that was the solution. Technically it would be the property of the orphanage not Pinkie Pie. A welcome gift from one institution to another to the magical world. Yes that will do nicely.

"Pinkie I am going to step out for a little bit, I will return shortly. Will you be alright here?"

"Sure Albie. Miss Jackalope here was just telling me a fascinating tale about a mongoose and a hippogriff that he knew. Quite the scandal."

"No doubt." Albus said and left the shop to get an owl at Eeylops Owl Emporium. The current store's main competitor who held the monopoly on selling owls.

A cacophony of hooting, barking and other owl noises welcomed Albus when he stepped over the threshold. With an expert eye he examined every owl trying to find one that will suit Pinkie the best.

His eyes settled on a young whiskered screech owl. It had the most adorable ears. Yes this one will do nicely.

He purchased the owl along with some food and a cage and other paraphernalia and hurried back to Pan's Pets.

Pinkie gave Albus a wave when he returned to the shop.

"Who's your friend?" She asked.

"This is a whiskered screech owl and currently she is without a name. I was hoping that you would give her one since she will be your new companion when you go to Hogwarts."

"You gave me a pet?" Pinkie felt overwhelmed. She ran up to Albus and gave him a fierce hug.

"Thank you! Thank you! Thank You!"

"You're welcome Pinkie. Though technically I would appreciate it if we pretended that I gave it to the orphanage instead. Technically I'm not allowed to give presents to students."

"..."

"..."

Pinkie named him Owlicious.

xxx

Gerric Ollivander was enjoying a perfectly ordinary start of his day in his workshop. It was the time of year where most young wizards and witches were ready to purchase their first wand, so he liked to start early in making some of them.

He was currently wearing his safety goggles and was working the delicate procedure of melding the dragon heartstring with the wood. Birch in this case. Now since birch wood is quite bendy some people like it to be stiffened up a bit. That was what he was going to do with this one. An even ten inches of stiff birch wood and dragon heartstring. O yes this one will be quite special. Sparks started flying as he brought his hammer down.

xxx

Gerric had a pleasant flow going when the bell rang alerting him of a fresh customer. Putting the finishing touches on the wand he was working on he quickly placed it in it's box while it was still smouldering and hurried his way to the store front.

xxx

Pinkie and Albus were waiting patiently behind the counter. Albus greeted the wand maker as he placed his newly made wand in a rack somewhere.

"Good morning Albus. Bringing another fresh batch of students for their first wand is it? It's been a while for you."

"Just this one I'm afraid. The others will be coming with Minerva."

"I see well you-"

Gerric's eyes landed upon Pinkies. He blinked once, twice. three times.

"Something wrong Gerric?"

"Wrong?" He replied absent-mindedly. "No, no nothings wrong." Se seemed to snap out of whatever fugue he was in. "Come on let's get you a wand young lady."

He grabbed the first wand within reach and gave it to Pinkie to sample.

"Right so which arm is your wand arm?"

"Well I flip pancakes with righty but I use old lefty for writing and school stuff."

"Hmm tricky tricky. Hold on a second."

He waved his wand around and some measuring tape started measuring Pinkie in random places including but not limited to a single string of hair and a nostril.

"Try this one. Maple and dragonheartstring, eight inches, quite supple."

Pinkie grabbed the wand with both hands and enthusiastically started waving it. The wand sounded like a wet fart with every wave. It started to smell like it as well.

"For heavens sake please stop waving it around." Gerric said while taking it from Pinkie. "Right something a bit more..."

He handed her another one.

"Rosewood and phoenix feather. Great for transfiguration."

Pinkie used her left hand with this one and waved it about a bit more gently. Still this one started coughing a serious sounding dry cough.

"Right definitely not that one."

"I think it was ill."

"I'll have to check it for wandrot."

On and on it went until Pinkie tried half the wands in the shop. Gerric Ollivander was starting to get a little bit worried. Normally at this stage he would at least get an inkling at what sort of witch he was dealing with.

"Young lady I want you to enter these hallowed halls of my store and see if your magic can find your wand for you."

Albus raised an inquisitive eyebrow.

"Normally I would know already. Now I don't. We may have to consider that your wand is not in my store." He said turning to Pinkie.

"Go on Pinkie. Let your magic guide you."

Pinkie started roaming the store trying different wands but the result was always the same. A weird bodily function that felt like rejection. In the mean time she saw other children buying their wands quite easily while she was still fumbling around in these corridors. She was starting to get a little worried when she noticed a dusty cardboard box filled with wands.

"Mister Gerric? What are these wands right here?"

Gerric rode a ladder into the corridor that Pinkie was in and looked at what she was pointing at.

"Don't waste your time with those. They are failed experiments I did using muggle materials. Carbon fibre, aluminium, you name it. They're rubbish" He said and scooted away

Still Pinkie felt something reaching out to her from that box. "I am a good wand!" It seemed to say. "You'll see! I am, I am!"

So she decided to ignore Gerric's advice. After all wouldn't it be sad if these wands never found their owner? Rummaging around in the box she found a rather stubby looking wand in an unpolished brown colour.

When she grabbed hold of it the entire store exploded in a fountain of confetti and party whistle noises. Her hair turned extremely poofy for a second before setling back down in her regular curls.

"Wow, what a rush!"

Gerric zipped back into the corridor,

"I think I've found my wand!"

She handed the wand to Gerric to inspect.

"Chipboard and unicorn tail hair. Six inches. Nothing special." He looked a little lost and confused.

"I don't even have a box for this."

"That's okay I can put it in my shrunk trunk."

"No, I'll find something for you to put it in. Curious... I could've sworn..." He mumbled as he moved to get Pinkie a suitable wand box.

Pinkie ran back to the front of the store to show Albus her new wand.

"Look!" She shouted while spraying confetti from her wand. "I've got a wand! It's made of chipboard and Unicorn tail hair."

"Chipboard? I've never heard of such a material. What is it?"

She stopped her confetti conjuring for a second to think.

"I dunno, compressed wood bits? I suppose it doesn't matter."

She pointed her wand and it made a party whistle noise.

"It's great fun though!"

Albus nodded to her in agreement.

"Well it seems we acquired everything needed for a first year term at Hogwarts and we still have some time left. Shall we get some ice-cream as we while away the time?"

Pinkie looked like Christmas came early.

"Do you even have to ask?"

xxx

The ice-cream parlour of Florian Fortescue was pleasantly busy with children and grown-ups alike either enjoying ice-cream or clamouring for it. Those in line at the counter were often found discussing what sort of flavour they wanted and Albus and Pinkie were no different.

"I think I want strawberry black peppercorn. Or, or maybe blue Java banana and chocolate. Geez this is one of the hardest decision of my life! How do these people do it?!"

"Peace Pinkie. Tell you what. I choose for you and you choose for me. That way not only will we have delicious ice-cream. It will also be a nice surprise."

It was obvious from her expression that Pinkie approved of this development immensely.

As they were eating their many flavoured ice-cream at a nice cosy table in the corner, the subject of magic came up as it won't do between wizards and witches.

"So what does magic feel like for you Pinkie? For instance when I use my magic the image of a nice roaring flame, perfect for warming ones extremities after a long winter walk not irregularly enters my mind. I suppose it is one of the reasons why Fawkes my phoenix stays close to me."

Pinkie turned her spoon around in her mouth as her expression changed. She put the spoon back in her cup and looked outside the window.

"Sometimes it feels like I'm standing atop of an endless blue ocean with sunny skies end seagulls macking in the wind. It's nice and very peaceful."

Then she turned to Albus.

"But sometimes it feels like there are thousands of savage horses underneath my skin or galloping on a plain or something and it frightens me. I don't know them. It's something I can't place."

Albus looked at her directly over his half-moon spectacles for a moment looking contemplative.

"Pinkie, from your first statement it is safe for me to assume that you are probably going to be an interesting witch."

He took a bite from his ice-cream and thought it through some more.

"As for your second statement. Do these horses appear in times of stress? Or perhaps when you are about to perform some accidental magic?"

"Yes!"

"Hmm, then perhaps it is your magic trying to defend you? I do not believe these horses as you say are necessarily something you need to be frightened about. Perhaps they are your magic's way of expressing intense emotion and the emotion is part of you.

He smiled at her

"And it's a little bit silly to be afraid of yourself don't you think?"

"I guess. But they do feel distinct. Sometimes I can see individual traits on them. For instance one of them is a really dark mare and she always has a really white mare right beside her. They are always galloping upfront."

"Have you ever tried communicating with these horses?"

"Yes, but I can't understand them. They're very busy and loud."

"All the more proof that they are part of yourself. I have also noticed a certain propensity for the loud in you." He said with a wink. Albus noticed that his joke fell a little flat because she was still worried.

"Give it time Pinkie and do not worry about it overmuch. Lest we forget that your magic is still developing and will probably find it's balance in it's own unique way has it does for us all."

Relief flooded Pinkie as she secretly feared that her magic was bad or something.

"You know it's really nice to talk to someone about this. When I tried to talk to people in the orphanage about it. They just don't really understand I guess. Even though they try."

"I imagine it's hard to try to understand something when you have never experienced it yourself."

Albus ate the last of his ice-cream with gusto.

"When term starts and you still have questions about your magic you could always go to the nurses office. Madam Pomfrey can run some tests for you and see what's what."

"I'll keep it in mind. Thanks for the ice-cream Albie!"

They stood from their cosy table and made room for some other sugar craving patrons.

"Now come. Let us bring you back to your home."

"Great I can't wait to show of all my new stuff and Owlicious!"

xxx

"Tell me Gorefist. What were your experiences with the heir of the Pie family?"

"She quite easily overruled our great foe Albus Dumbledore during our trek through the mines. I'm sure we all felt the magic surging through our lands. She is not to be trifled with"

The female head of the medical wing at Gringotts turned towards her king.

"That's not even half of it. Have you heard what she'd done to poor Bonecruncher? She build him up with confectionery of such divine taste that for a moment he was truly at peace with himself and the universe only to utterly destroy him when she left Gringotts. It was the ultimate power play. I fear he will be under the care of my mind healers for some time."

The head of the intelligence department nodded along.

"Indeed, our assassins also found cupcakes in their pockets. They wisely backed away from any attempts after finding them. Those stupid enough to have eaten one also swear to its divine delicacy. We fear their loyalties can no longer be trusted."

"So cunning, incredibly powerful and no scruples whatsoever. The client didn't lie that's for certain."

King Ragnuk slammed his throne with his fist.

"Damn it! This bint is playing four dimensional chess while we're here eating glue and crayons!"

"So what's our next move?" A brave goblin asked

"Nothing, we delay. We tell our client that the attempt was made then we wait and see how this plays out. I want spies in the vicinity of the target at all times and activate our agent at Hogwarts at once. Keep me notified of any changes. Go."

The goblins of the council exited the war room and left Ragnuk with his thoughts.

"Let's see what you do next heiress Pie. The ball is in your court."


	8. 7: Party on the Hogwarts Express

**Chapter 7: Party on the Hogwarts Express.**

Pinkie Pie woke up at the crack of dawn and raced down the stairs. It was the first day! The first day of Hogwarts had arrived! She couldn't contain all this excitement! So many new friends! She almost started to hyperventilate. Almost but not quite for there was much baking to be done. Cupcakes and muffins and cakes, oh my!

xxx

Daphne Greengrass awoke by the gentle nudging of their family house elf Jibbles.

"It's time for wakey young mistress."

Daphne rose from her slumber rubbing her eyes. Long blond hair cascading down her neck and back sticking out at odd angles here and there. A loud ungraceful yawn forced some wakefulness back into her when she stepped out of her bed.

She was escorted to the bathroom by an excited Jibbles babbling on about her first day of Hogwarts. Daphne herself couldn't really summon much enthusiasm since she wasn't even fully in her body yet.

After a quick shower up she put on the robes that Jibbles had laid out for her and headed downstairs. Her mother had already started breakfast. Her dad was sitting at the head of the table sipping his morning tea and reading the daily prophet.

"Good morning mother, father." She said as she joined them at the table.

"Good morning Daphne. Are you ready?"

"Yes mother. I packed everything I need last night."

"Good. Remember that-"

She was interrupted by the sound of Astoria coming down the stairs in a rush. She ran into the room babbling about something or other.

Daphne's mother was not in the mood for her sister's joyful antics and put a stop to them decisively.

"Astoria Greengrass! We do not run in this house! You will conduct yourself with the decorum and grace that is befitting of the noble house of Greengrass."

Poor Astoria lost whatever excitement she had and look forlornly towards her father for support.

"Don't look at me." He said as he continued reading. "Your mother is right. We fear that you have been neglecting your studies as of late. Your etiquette lessons in particular."

Her mother once again entered the fray. "Now go clean yourself up. You will not sit at the dining table in your sleepwear."

Daphne's sister morosely moved herself from the room.

"And don't slouch. Think of your posture, or we're going to get the books out again."

Daphne didn't understand why Astoria couldn't just do what her parents asked of her. All they wanted was a little dedication. O well, that's why she was the heir and her sister was the spare.

Daphne sat down with her parents and spoke about the other heirs on the Hogwarts Express. She was going to show them what a Greengrass could do with magic.

xxx

Hermione Granger fell asleep last night reading. All evidence pointed towards this inevitable fact. She woke up face down on top of Hogwarts a History.

When she commenced operation photon intake she noticed that said book was sporting an impressive drool stain in between pages 136 and 137 and not only that, her neck had a disconcerting creak.

Books made for lousy pillows she knew from experience.

She stretched and yawned loudly so that higher brain function could be within grasp.

Once higher brain function was achieved it was time to panic over the giant gross drool stain in her favourite book.

"Eww ew eww!" Hermione started searching for something to clean the book with but in her panic some accidental magic cleared the stain right up.

"O thank you witch powers!"

She quickly returned the book to her trunk which she had packed the previous evening. It was time for a quick shower and then breakfast.

xxx

Harry Potter woke up in his own bed. He's been sleeping in it for a month now which was weird for him. Normally he was kept in a cupboard but ever since his giant friend Hagrid appeared in his life he's got his own room and his own stuff. Most of it magical.

That's not to say that everything was fine now. Instead of the open hostility he was used to from the Dursleys, the family he was living with and was his family from his mothers side, changed into something altogether strange. He was ignored.

Which compared to being called a freak every other day was something of a step up as far as he was concerned.

None of that mattered now. Because he was going to Hogwarts today! He was going to learn magic. The reason why the Dursleys called him a freak in the first place. Harry smiled.

But first he had to make breakfast before the Dursleys came down the stairs. It wouldn't do to give them an excuse to not drive him to Kings Cross station.

He dressed in some of Dudley's old clothes and got to work.

xxx

Pinkie and her entourage entered kings cross station at 10:30. The rambunctious group was making it's way towards the barrier that separated the magical world from the mundane one. Alfie was sitting on top of the trunk which was in turn being pushed by an excited Pinkie Pie. They babbled about small things and big things.

"Well, here we are everybody." Maddie said looking at the map that came with one of the flyers that Albus left them.

They stopped in front of the secret entrance to platform 9¾

A silence fell over the group as the children realised it was time to say goodbye to Pinkie, at least for a couple of months.

"Bye Pinkie. Stay safe you hear!" Lewis said giver his not-quite-sister a side hug.

"Yeah, go kick their asses!" Sophie added

Pinkie looked a little confused and asked "Who's asses?"

"All the asses!" Sophie responded raising her arm in exuberance.

"Yeah!" All of them shouted drawing some stares from the gathering crowd.

But then it was time to really say their farewells. She hugged them all individually trying to draw it out as long as possible. Alfie was trying not to cry and failing.

"Now now Alfie. I'll be back home come Christmas. So don't be sad because I'll write loads you'll see! Owlicious can't wait."

"Hoot."

Alfie hugged her a long time.

"Go on Pinkie it's time to go."

And with her pet owl, trunk and secret confectioneries she ran through the barrier.

xxx

Daphne Greengrass floo'd onto the platform with her parents in tow. Fashionably late of course, the train wouldn't dare to leave without them onboard. She noticed a redheaded family struggling to make it through the barrier to the muggle world. Truly a tragic sight those Weasleys.

Her parents noticed something else however.

"O Merlin, here she comes." Her dad said. He was speaking about Longbottom. An elderly lady with a ridiculous vulture hat that was hounding them about some botany business or other. Daphne didn't know nor care.

"Ghastly woman." Daphne's mother opined "Can't she leave as alone for one second? We're trying to take our daughter to Hogwarts."

Daphne's father sighed "You might as well take your belongings onto the train Daphne. This will probably take a while."

"Yes father."

Unconsciously in her heart of hearts she hoped for a more emotional goodbye. Maybe even a hug or a pat on the head. There was slim chance of that happening anyway but it wasn't improved by the presence of that Longbottom creature.

She steeled herself and made her way onto the train feeling inexplicably angry.

xxx

Suddenly Harry was shoved into the car. It seemed that the Dursleys couldn't be rid of him fast enough. Good thing he had his belongings stashed earlier that day. Thankfully the Dursleys were decent enough to throw it along with him.

The ride towards Kings Cross was a silent one. It seemed to Harry that uncle Vernon was conflicted about the whole thing. On the one hand Harry would be gone for the foreseeable future, but on the other he would be learning magic.

At the station Harry was non to gently removed from the vehicle along with his belongings. One and a half hours too early. With a brisk "Bye. Don't come back for Christmas." Uncle Vernon drove of.

Great, now what was he going to do with his time? He only had his wizarding money on him and a big trunk and owl cage to lug around. Harry sighed. He knew which way to go because of the flyers Hagrid had sent him after his trip to Diagon Alley. He supposed he could do a bit of people watching. Just sitting on his trunk and watch the crowds go by. It seemed dreadfully dull though. Seeing nothing for it he started moving.

As he roamed in between platforms nine and ten he realised that he had a lot of books with him he could read. He had already perused them before of course but now with so much time on his hands he could easily get a little head start.

He sat his trunk down in a comfy looking out of the way corner. Grabbed one of the books at random from his trunk and started reading.

It turned out it was the book on charms. He learned that charms are simple spells that did simple things. Like making things levitate or making things hot or cold. He wasn't allowed to use his wand out of school since he was underage and because of the statute of secrecy. Still he was eager to have a go at it.

"Maybe I can try it without a wand?" He thought.

He paged his way in the book until he found the section about the levitation charm. The incantation was something like wingardium leviosa. But he couldn't start shouting random words in the middle of a train station, swishing and flicking his hands around. He'd look like a lunatic.

Instead he stared at a nearby coke can for a long time, willing it to move.

The can did not move but he did feel something. He supposed it could be magic. It could also be indigestion. Who knows at this point.

Time passed quickly it felt like and before he knew it the barrier to platform 9¾ was opened up.

O well. He went through the barrier with a brisk pace, boarded the train that was already there, found a seat and continued his reading. Studying magic it turned out, seemed like it could be a lot of fun.

xxx

Hermione's parents were dentists.

Most people when they think of dentists think of calm intelligent people. Rational to a fault, upstanding citizens contributing to society. Dependable pillars of the community. That's what dentists are. That's what Hermione wanted to be.

Her parents were hippies imported from America.

Outstanding dentists to be sure. But also hippies. Hermione felt a little bit of shame that she was embarrassed by them.

"Far out Hermione look at these flowers! They're so colorful!"

That was her mother. She liked flowers. The dental practise was full of them. They brought the good mojo."

"Please mum can we hurry up? I don't want the train to leave without me and I have a big trunk to lug around."

"Mellow out my beautiful daughter. Your vibes are way harsh right now."

Hermione's father wrapped an arm around his wife.

"Now Charity, you were young once too. Hermione is very in flux right now. We should show her support on this new adventure."

Charity returned her husbands affections and looked towards Hermione and started moving her hands in a strange wiggly pattern around Hermione's head."

"Stop cleansing my aura mum! That stuff is scientifically proven hogwash and you know it!"

Charity gave her daughter a knowing smug expression.

"By that rationale witchcraft is also hogwash."

Hermione groaned in frustration and angrily stomped across king's cross station dragging her belongings along with her. Her parents were hurrying along after her.

Hurrying being a process they normally actively avoided they nevertheless could keep up.

When they reached the barrier they said there farewells. Hermione knew she was going to miss her oddball parents a lot. Despite their quirks they did support her and dragged her through what in her own mind was referred to as "The Bad Times." The time in school when she was bullied a lot because of her teeth, hair and nerdy disposition.

She looked back at them once more and went through the barrier.

xxx

Harry was reading his charms book for a while now when people finally started trickling onto the train. He was getting both excited and nervous about meeting new people. The Dursleys weren't exactly conducive to making friends back in Little Whinging and this was his first opportunity since starting school to really try.

After a while of thinking about things and reading his charms book of and on. It was really getting crowded on the train but his booth remained occupied only by Hedwig and himself. Maybe he should go outside and meet some people he thought. But that was the moment that the door to his booth opened and in walked a redheaded boy. Who asked if he could sit here because everywhere else was full.

xxx

Pinkie Pie was struggling to get her trunk onboard the train when there was a bit of a commotion happening at the barrier. A bunch of redheads came tumbling out it appearing to be in a rush.

A blond girl passed her by that didn't seem in a helping mood. The redheads though hurried right up towards the train where a couple of twins helped Pinkie out.

"Well looky here brother of mine. It appears an ickle firsty has found herself in a spot of logistical tomfoolery."

"Indeed handsome one. A trunk far to big for a girl that small and an owl to boot. Mayhaps we should assist said waif along."

One of the twins levitated her trunk aboard while the other levitated Owlicious.

"Hi I'm Gred and this is Forge."

"Hi Grod. Hi Fredge! Thanks a lot for helping me with my trunk. Owlicious thanks you too."

"Hoot."

"No I'm Gredge and he's Frod… Wait"

He looked to his brother for assistance but when they turned to look towards Pinkie again to correct her. She was already helping another redhead her own age board the train along with yet another redhead who was the oldest of the bunch, levitated al their trunks inside.

The one her own age mumbled a thanks before hurrying on the train proper. Fodge and Gread followed rambunctious like because they were beckoned by two older girls in Gryffindor robes.

Pinkie looked at her trunk, sighed and started dragging it along. It was really heavy. But at least it looked pretty. She'd put nice flower stickers on it.

She dragged her trunk with Owlicious on top through the corridors of the Hogwarts Express when she noticed a sneaky toad trying to hide in the corner.

"Hello little buddy." She said. "Where are you of too?"

"I'm searching for adventure miss." The toad said. "My name is Trevor."

"Well how did a dapper toad such as yourself find your way onboard this train?"

"I was brought here by a young boy. But I'm afraid I've lost him. Would you be a dear and give a weary amphibian a lift?"

"Why I would be delighted."

Pinkie lifted Trevor up and placed her upon her head.

"Hoot." Owlicious said.

"Indeed." Replied Pinkie and Trevor.

"Stick with me Trevor. I'll find us some adventure."

xxx

"Could you help me find my toad? I think I lost him somewhere on the train."

Hermione looked at this boy and felt a moment of pride. Someone asked for her help. This was an opportunity to be a responsible person and maybe, just maybe, make a friend.

She immediately turned around and started walking away in search of the toad.

Neville was confused but then she turned around, grabbed the boy's hand and dragged him along.

"Hello, I'm Hermione. What's your name?"

"I'm Neville."

"Alright Neville let's go find your toad."

Xxx

A redheaded boy asked politely if he could sit in Harry's booth. Harry had no reason to object and welcomed him in. He said his name was Ron Weasley. When Harry mentioned his own name Ron's eyes grew quite a bit inside his head. Harry knew why of course. The whole boy-who-lived thing.

He was asked to show his scar and he did. They started talking about magic and just when Ron was about to cast a spell on his rat the door to their booth slid open and there stood a bushy haired girl with long teeth being shadowed by someone who seemed a bit more shy.

"As anyone seen a toad? Neville here has lost one."

She then saw the wand in Ron's hand.

"O, are you doing magic?" She took a seat next to Harry. "Let's see then."

Neville who was a bit unsure of what to do took a seat next to her.

Ron did a little doggerel verse and waving his wand around to try to get his rat to turn yellow. Sadly it didn't work. Hermione pointed out that it didn't really sound like a real spell. She was about to show a real one on Harry's glasses when the door slid open with a loud thunk. In the doorway stood a mad looking girl with weirdly coloured hair and toad on her head.

She looked around the booth with a concentrated look inspecting each of them in turn.

"Yes this'll do nicely."

xxx

Pinkie was roaming the halls of the train letting her Pinkie Sense guide her. Sometimes she would open a booth here or their startling the inhabitants. Sometimes she would sniff loudly, other times she would lick her index finger, hold in front of her for ten seconds and watched it intently.

"What are you doing?" Trevor asked at one point.

"Searching." Pinkie replied. "Most people think that parties just require a bit of organisation. Just bake a cake throw some confetti around and Bob's your uncle. No, I'm looking for a powder keg waiting for the right spark to ignite it..."

Pinkie slid a door open with a loud thunk and peered inside inspecting what she saw.

"Yes this'll do nicely."

xxx

Harry was startled out of the conversation by crazy girl with a toad on her head. She stepped inside resolutely like she owned the place.

"Trevor!"

The toad on her head jumped towards Neville who caught him with a surprising amount of affection.

"I'm glad you're back Trevor." Neville said.

Meanwhile the crazy girl was looking outside the window and lowering the blinds. Then quickly turned towards her trunk and started rummaging around in it. She pulled out an old scuffy looking beatbox and put it on the small table near the window. Then she pulled out small cone shaped party hats with frills on the end and delicately placed them on each head in the room. Even Trevor got a small one.

Everyone looked at one another equally flabbergasted. There was a curiosity on where she was going with all this.

Then she turned towards the beat box, put a cassette in, and pushed play.

Peppy music started playing and the crazy girl with the weird hair started doing the goofiest dance he'd ever seen.

And just like that it hit him. Really hit him. He was going to learn magic. This was his life now. No more Dudley to prevent him from making friends. No more Dursleys to order him around to do their bidding. No more fear.

He started laughing, a real big bouldering sort of laugh. The kind that would give an old man whiplash. And because he had absolutely no reason not to. He joined in and started dancing. He looked ridiculous and he didn't care.

Soon others joined in, even Trevor on Neville's head did something like a toady tango. Only Hermione remained seated. She was biting her lip and looking uncertain.

That didn't last though since the crazy girl pulled her to her feat by her hands and twirled her into Ron's arms who was doing a silly sort of shuffle thing. It didn't take long before they were dancing together.

After that she turned towards Harry.

"Hi I'm Pinkie Pie. What's your name?"

"Harry, Harry Potter."

xxx

Daphne walked with Pansy, a daughter of one of her fathers business relations, through the corridor. She supposed she would call her a friend. They knew one another since they were very young. Pansy was always a bit… vindictive in Daphne's view. Still it paid to have someone like that on your side.

They entered a booth that held Theodore Nott and Blaise Zabini as it's residents. They accepted their obligatory greetings with kissed hands and exaltations about their beauty, with grace.

They spoke about their summers each trying to impress the others with tales of both exorbitant luxury and hard teachings in equal measure.

Daphne enjoyed herself feeling in her element. Her tales of torturous music lessons with a horrid teacher were a hit.

Pansy's tale of woe of a house elf that failed to give the appropriate respect didn't shake up, which pleased Daphne immensely.

She was about to start another one of her anecdotes when a commotion happened some distance away. There was something that sounded like music maybe, and general sounds of merriment. Of course they had to investigate.

They found the corridor to be filled with people dancing to strange music that Daphne never heard before. Some of the people were wearing party hats or were munching on some delicious looking baked goods or candies. Some people were playing games. One was blindfolded trying to pin a fluffy thing on an image of a donkey looking creature.

Even the trolley lady looked happy. She was doing good business.

"Ugh, stupid mudbloods. Is nothing sacred anymore?" Pansy said with obvious disdain. Theo nodded along with her where Blaise looked a little bit more thoughtful.

Daphne, who was more surprised then anything, felt like she had no choice in the matter other then to agree. So she nodded her head putting on the mask of indifference with a hint of loathing.

She made eye contact with an obviously completely mad girl who was having some kind of fit.

"Yes let's go somewhere more quiet. I wish to-"

She was interrupted by a shove coming from the crowd. Draco Malfoy emerged like a baby rhinoceros from it's mothers womb out of the group of people.

"Filthy disgusting mudbloods!" He ranted. "Crabbe, Goyle stop looking ridiculous and get out here!"

It appeared to her that Crabbe and Goyle had decided on dancing but she couldn't be certain. When they arrived in a similar fashion that Draco did they mumbled some apologies.

Pansy helped Draco to his feet. "My sentiments exactly. These muggles are getting more brazen by the day."

"They do know how to bring a disturbance don't they." Daphne added.

"Come on let's find another place to sit."

Draco was hating that it was even necessary.

xxx

Pinkie was dancing with Hermione who was talking about the books she read since they met in the bookstore.

The party had expanded some since it started and was now filling in the corridor. More children had joined in from different booths. There was a girl named Susan Bones and her friend Hannah Abbot and an Asian girl with a fun sounding Irish accent called Cho Chang. There was Dean Thomas and Seamus Finnegan. Pinkie had to resist the urge to start singing Finnegan's wake.

Quickly rumour started spreading and soon older children decided to join in. Someone pulled some butterbeer from somewhere and just like that the party was having a life of it's own.

Still Pinkie noticed a few subversive elements from the corner of her eye. A blonde girl with bright cold laser eyes, looked at her in an unfriendly way. Parties weren't for everyone. Pinkie knew this but she still didn't like the way she looked.

She wanted to help people come out of their shell. What she needed was a plan. So she found a nice corner for herself, snagged some butterbeers and started scheming…

xxx

"First years, over here! First years! This way please!" A very large bearded man was shouting for all the first years to follow him. Pinkie followed everyone out of the train staying close to Hermione who was talking about how first years got to Hogwarts on boats.

"How do you think he got so big?" Pinkie asked Hermione.

"I don't know. Maybe he's suffering from a form of gigantism, you know, like a medical condition?"

"You don't think he got stretched? Could've been awfully painful. O, maybe he overfed on veggies."

"He doesn't look stretched. Just looks big."

"Hmm… If we encounter such mysteries on Hogwarts' doorstep just imagine what could lay within."

"Are you quoting something? It sounds like you're quoting something."

"...Maybe."

They shared their boat with two other girls and when everyone was on board the boat started moving on it's own accord.

The sight of Hogwarts at night was truly something special and everyone was staring mouth agape. Countless of little lights were spread out all over the castle making the whole scene feel quite rightly magical.

As the lights hit the water and reflected this way and that one of the girls on the boat was looking a bit to close to the water and fell in.

Pinkie and Hermione were scrambling to try and help when a giant tentacle came out of the lake with girl in sucker depositing her back in the boat none the worse for wear.

"Thank you mister Squid!" Pinkie shouted over the lake.

Her reward was a big splash in the face.

"Ah, I think it was miss Squid actually."

The tentacle came out of the water again and petted Pinkie and the girl who fell in the water, on their heads before submerging once again underneath the waves.

When Pinkie made eye contact with the girl they both burst out into laughter. Turns out her name was Lisa Turpin and together with Hermione and Morag McDougal the remainder of the boat ride turned out to be a pleasant one, if a bit cold.

xxx

Once inside the castle and after walking a bunch of stairs. They entered a hall decorated with moving paintings and armour. In it's centre stood a tall stern looking witch with a pointy hat, glasses and a list who introduced herself as Professor McGonagall.

She spoke about how they were about to be sorted by a hat into four separate houses each one holding a value above all others.

Pinkie was a little tired and bored after climbing all those stairs so she didn't pay a lot of attention. Though she did appreciate the drying spell the professor cast upon herself and Lisa.

When the big doors opened and they stepped into the great hall Pinkie couldn't help herself but gawk all around. There were floating candles lighting up the room and the ceiling was enchanted to look like the night sky. It was truly beautiful.

She didn't notice that all the attention of the older students was firmly set upon the first years.

The initial commotion died down and Professor McGonagall placed an old hat on top of a stool who started singing a song about each of the four houses.

Pinkie liked it a lot and clapped along merrily feeling a pleasant buzz coming over her. Not really noticing that she was the only one who did.

She remembered the girl in the train that looked at her coldly when she looked at the hat and something of an idea popped in her mind.

When the song was done she waved at a few people who seemed friendly. Then McGonagall started calling out names and the sorting began.

xxx

The sorting hat had sat on many heads already though not as many as he would've liked this year. The wizarding world was still recovering and it was only this year, eleven years after the end of the war, that the number of new young wizards and witches was rising.

For a while there he worried that it would be the end of Hogwarts but now he dared to entertain some hope.

He had just sorted a couple of adorable twins into different houses when he felt it.

Divinity had come to Hogwarts. So subtle, so gentle yet unmistakable.

He was placed upon the last of the Pie family and for a moment understood.

He wanted to tell her about all the amazing things that were locked in here, inside her head. He wanted to speak to her about where she came from, the horses and what that all meant. He wanted to tell her how blessed he felt, just being in her presence let alone being granted the privilege of sorting her.

He wanted to tell her all these thing and more but he could not.

"PUT ME IN THE HOUSE MOST IN NEED OF A PARTY!" She commanded with all her being.

And he could do naught but answer.

"..."

"..."

"SLYTHERIN!"

**A/N Well this chapter turned in a bit of an old fashioned cluster...pluck with all these points of views and different timelines running through one another. I hope it made sense in the end, that's the only bit that matters anyway. **

**As for the party music on the train:**

/iPOmFUid3vA

**2 unlimited - Get ready for this.**


	9. 8: First Day

**Chapter 8: First day!**

"Yay!"

Pinkie skipped towards the Slytherin table in stunned silence. She sat next to Daphne and an angry looking girl who sat in front of Pinkie.

The sorting quickly continued with Harry Potter who was sorted into Gryffindor after a particular long sorting to raucous applause from the Gryffindor table. Pinkie hoped that he would have fun there.

Once the sorting was completed Albus Dumbledore stood up from the head of the staff table.

"Before we start the feast I would first like to say a few words, and they are as follows: Nitwit, Blubber, Oddment, Tweak. Thank you."

Pinkie was giggle snorting uproariously at Headmaster Dumbledore's joke although in the entire school she seemed to be the only one.

"Geez, tough crowd."

The food appeared on the table and everyone started to dig in. Conversations started up on every table.

"Hi, I'm Pinkie Pie. What's your name?"

"Daphne Greengrass, charmed." She responded looking like she felt anything but, as she took a bite out of a piece of shepherds pie. Daphne quickly turned towards a boy on her right and started talking with him.

The angry looking girl regarded Pinkie for a long while.

"Hey are you any relation to the Pie family? You know the one that was wiped out by mysterious means?"

All the heads of the first year Slytherins turned back towards Pinkie with an audible whoosh.

Pinkie felt a bit put on the spot by all the sudden attention.

"Uhm… Yeah I guess."

She quickly grabbed some veggies to put on her plate. "Me and Albie tried to get some money from my family vault but it was empty." Pinkie didn't feel like sharing about the key and the creepy note. She felt that wasn't really appropriate dinner talk.

The big girl who introduced herself as Millicent Bulstrode. "So are you trying to tell me you're actually a pureblood?"

"I suppose..." Pinkie started munching loudly on some broccoli.

"Well then where were you all this time?" Millicent asked.

Pinkie swallowed with an audible gulp. "I was raised in an orphanage. It was great! I've made so many friends there."

Now that the subject didn't refer to… seven years ago she felt a lot more excited.

"I've got seven brothers and six sisters. There's Mark, Ricky, Timmy, Alfie, Nico, Duncan,  
Lewis, Jillian, Cerys, Gracie, Iris, Maisie, Sophie and Phoebe. Oh, and Pinkie of course. And then there's Maddie she takes care of us."

Daphne looked at her unimpressed. "Must be wild."

"O it is! Never a dull moment at Happy Oaks. That's what Maddie always says."

Pinkie grabbed some mashed potatoes and turned towards Daphne.

"So what's your story, morning glory?"

"No story I'm afraid. I was home schooled like most at this table."

"Really? Then how did you make friends?"

"Our families all know each other and organized meetings and parties when we were younger."

"Parties?" Pinkies attention peaked at the mention of parties. "What sort of parties?"

Daphne noticed the change in the pink haired menace and tried to be dismissive. "The sort of parties that serve tea."

"O tea parties! I know about those. They go great with boardgames and art!"

Many at the Slytherin table had no idea what she was on about. Conversations continued but it became clear to Pinkie that she was the odd one out. Maybe it was because of her hair colour? It used to be a topic of contention way back in primary school. It couldn't be the pureblood thing because she was one.

She was about to comment about it when the food disappeared and Albus raised from his seat.

He started talking about the school rules and about not going in to the forbidden forest which made sense to Pinkie and then he said not to enter a corridor on the third floor to anyone who did not wish to die a most painful death.

Pinkie started laughing again and once more she was the only one.

"Geez, it's okay to smile you know."

The look in the eyes of headmaster Dumbledore told her however that he was quite serious.

Feeling a little awkward she waited for Albie to finish his speech and then it was time for the school song.

Words were conjured in mid-air so it was easy to sing along. Everyone did their own thing. There didn't seem to be much rhyme or reason to the melody.

As Pinkie was singing she noticed something though. Were the horses singing along? It was hard to tell. Peaceful yet joyfully energetic, the rhythm started something within herself.

Just when she started noticing this the music came to an end.

She didn't realise that the entirety of the Hogwarts student body never sang the song so harmonious before.

Albus rose once again from his seat after applauding jubilantly. "Ah music, a magic beyond any we do here at Hogwarts. Now of you trot. Big day of learning tomorrow."

Shuffling along with the rest of the first years towards the Slytherin common room. Pinkie was thinking upon the experience she just had. Did that always happen when she was singing and just didn't realise it?

She bumped into the backside of a second year. Apparently they had arrived

One of the prefects gave them the password for the entrance to the common room which was hiding behind a painting.

Then they entered the room proper. Everything had a green sheen to it because of the light that filtered through the windows. They were underneath the lake Pinkie realised and the water coloured it green. That's probably where Slytherin house got their colours from.

Neat.

She sat down in a comfy bean-bag looking thing and allowed herself to drift away for a moment as the hullabaloo around them died down.

Suddenly the other door opened and an ominous looking man entered the room. His cloak was billowing as he glided menacingly towards the centre of the room.

"I am professor Snape."

Pinkie quickly said upright and gave this man her full attention.

"And you are the privileged few who were sorted in the most noble house of Slytherin. Many of you know the about the stigma of being a Slytherin." He turned his coal black eyes towards Pinkie.

"Some of you do not..."

"Because of this reason there are a few extra rules that every Slytherin must abide by lest they suffer my... displeasure."

The mood in the room changed. It seemed like everyone was very seriously listening to what professor Snape had to say.

"First, I expect each and every one of you to give your utmost in your classes. I require at least 'Exceed Expectations' on two subjects and an 'Outstanding' on a third."

There was am audible gulp coming from the direction of two burly looking boys.

"Second. I expect each and everyone of you to be the shining exemplars of cunning and ambition that our house is known for. Should anyone get caught doing any rule breaking the consequences will be dire."

The message was obvious. Don't get caught.

Pinkie didn't get it.

"Third, Slytherin comes first. Our house is the most contentious of all the houses within Hogwarts therefore I will not suffer any infighting."

These rules seemed perfectly reasonable to Pinkie. Do good in school, don't break the rules and no fighting fellow Slytherins.

Hold on a second!

Did that mean that fighting the other houses was okay? Nah she was sure that professor Snape just phrased it a little awkwardly.

She was thinking about the other rules that professor Snape had outlined, wondering how hard it would be to get an outstanding in a subject as they were shepherded down the stairs towards their respective dormitories.

Slytherin had two people to a room with the rooms for girls on the left and the rooms for boys on the right. It was stressed that boys were not allowed into the rooms meant for girls lest they suffer extreme awkwardness.

Pinkie entered one of the first year female rooms. Sadly it was already occupied by Pansy and Daphne who did not take kindly to her intrusion. Pansy rather rudely requested that she leave the room using some very mean words.

Pinkie was a both saddened and confused by the hostility. Particularly after professor Snape's speech. Thankfully Millicent Bulstrode walked past and told Pinkie that she would room with her, though she made sure to tell Pinkie it was because they were the only ones left.

To Pinkie it seemed that Millicent was also one to be a little left out. She was quite… Pinkie didn't want to say chunky. That would be hypocritical after all she herself would winter quite well also.

However Millicent did seem to have something going on with her eyebrows that made it seem like she was permanently angry.

Sophie would call it resting bitch face Pinkie knew. She briefly wondered how the orphanage was doing without her there to bake bread and pies.

"This is my side, that's your side. If you stay on your side there will be no trouble."

Pinkie snapped out of her reminiscing.

"Oki doki!"

She started unpacking her trunk humming a silly song. She placed a multitude of pictures from the orphanage on the bedside table. Her clothes were already placed inside the small wardrobe.

Who did that? She wondered. Did Hogwarts just teleport her clothes around? Could it do that if she was wearing them?

There were still some pictures left over so she put them on the small desk along with her beatbox.

She tried turning it on but it appeared that the flyers were true and that it wouldn't work inside Hogwarts proper. It would only play alpine jodeling. Pinkie wasn't in the mood for that.

Next she put some plushies on her bed and placed balloons in every corner that she was allowed to go.

"What in Merlin's Camelot is that?"

Millicent was pointing at her balloon array floating above her desk.

"They're balloons, silly."

"I know they're balloons you absolute spazzoid. Why are they above your desk?"

"Because it feels like a party?"

"Do I look like I'm in a partying mood?"

"You look like an angry bear. I thought tha-"

"Graaaaaah!"

Millicent suddenly charged Pinkie and they tumbled to the ground. Millicent started trying to hit Pinkie in the face but Pinkie was trained in the orphanage style of fighting. This meant scratching, hair-pulling, biting, kicking unmentionables, eye-gauging and spitting if necessary.

Seven years in an orphanage taught her well enough.

Although Millicent had the weight advantage Pinkies technique proved superior. She was about to put Millicent in a full Nelson when their door opened up.

"What is the meaning of this?"

A prefect.

"Uhm, we fell down some stairs?" Pinkie tried.

"Cute. Five points from each of you for this appalling behaviour. Now go and see madam Pomfrey in the hospital wing. I hope for your sake that this is over or I will inform our head of house."

xxx

Millicent and Pinkie slogged their way through the Hogwarts halls.

"Which way is the hospital wing?"

"I'm new here too bubble brain."

"Why do you keep calling me names?"

"..."

Luckily, after a frustrating amount of time some older students were willing to help them out to get where they needed to go.

xxx

Poppy Pomfrey was not amused at the state that two first years entered her hospital wing. Scratches, bruises and hair at odd angles meant muggle fighting. Years as a healer at a boarding school gave her such insights.

"We fell down some stairs." The one with weird hair said.

"Together, did you?" Poppy gave them a look filled with incredulity.

"They moved." The other one said.

"Right."

Poppy did some quick diagnostic spells on them and found only superficial injuries. Some rudimentary healing spells later and they were good to go.

She gave them a permission slip to go back to their common room after curfew and send them on their way.

xxx

"Goodnight Milly."

"Fuck you Pinkie."

xxx

The next morning saw both Millicent and Pinkie looking bleary eyed at breakfast. Millicent sat with Daphne and Pansy giving Pinkie dirty looks as she ate her food.

Pinkie looked towards the Gryffindor table as she was chewing. She saw Neville, Hermione, Harry and Ron having fun with one another. She was beginning to regret asking the hat to put her where the hat had put her.

"Put me in the house most in need of a party." That's what she wanted.

That's it! Maybe she just needed to organise a little shindig in the common room. That way she was sure to get in the other girls' good graces.

She needed help in organisation. More importantly she needed a place to bake.

Pinkie was thinking so hard that she didn't notice that the Slytherin table was deserted. Quickly she made her way towards the dungeons. It was time for potions class.

xxx

"Potter! What would I get if I added powdered root of asphodel to an infusion of wormwood?"

Hermione's hand shot up.

"I don't know sir."

"Clearly fame isn't everything. Let's try again. Where would you look if I asked you to find me a bezoar?"

Pinkie was raising her hand as well trying to catch professor Snape's attention. She wanted to ask if her prior education had been lacking since she didn't know the answer either.

"I don't know sir." Harry said quietly. "I think Pinkie does though. Maybe you should try her?"

"A point will be taken for you cheek, Potter."

Professor Snape proceeded to give the answers to the questions he just raised and snidely went on about aconite or something. Pinkie lowered her hand when the potions insulted Hermione's arm flailing.

Pinkie suspected the only reason she was spared any insults was because she was a Slytherin and honestly that would be blatant favouritism. Maybe the potions professor was just having a bad day.

Professor Snape conjured an assignment on the board. It were the instructions to create a potion that if prepared right would cure boils.

"Now, I assume all of you can read." Snape said looking around the classroom expecting to find those who couldn't. "Since I don't trust anyone of you enough to actually follow the instructions I shall put you in pairs. Maybe two heads are better then one."

Pinkie was looking around for anyone but it seemed like she and Hermione were the only ones who hadn't found anyone. Seeing nothing for it a Gryffindor-Slytherin team up seemed like it could be fun to Pinkie.

Hermione was setting up the cauldron putting it on medium flame as Pinkie went to get the other supplies. She tripped over Draco's foot on the way back but luckily she was able to keep the ingredients from falling.

"So how is life in Gryffindor?" Pinkie asked Hermione. "In Slytherin it's all very interesting. Did you know that our common room is underneath the great lake? How cool is that! I wonder if I'll see miss Squid again from the windows sometime."

"Hmm?… Could you help me crush the snake fangs?" Hermione kept glancing back and forth from her potions book and the blackboard, making sure that the instructions added up.

"The instructions are not in line, surely it is preparation time?"

Hermione looked away from her book. Did Pinkie just talk in a funny voice? And why did she rhyme? Before she could comment Pinkie shoved her out of the way.

xxx

For the following two hours Hermione was rather stunned by the proficiency that Pinky showed in potions. She new that Pinkie loved baking and cooking so maybe the two skills were supportive of one another?

Finding herself in an assistant role was a rather unique experience as well. In her prior school she was forced to take the lead in group projects more often then not. But Pinkie seemed rather forceful.

"Do not be so hasty." She said. "Or our potion will not be tasty."

Now she was getting concerned. The potion was not supposed to be tasty it was supposed to be a cure for boils. She was so busy following Pinkies instructions that she forgot to look at the blackboard and missed the fact that they weren't even following them.

Panic set in.

It was to late now though. They had only five minutes left. When she looked around the room some other potions were already turning red. Some were even turning pink which was an indication of a superior potion.

Her and Pinkies potion was turning towards a happily bubbling periwinkle blue.

She was about to really lay it on her but before she could professor Snape bellowed across the room.

"Time's up!" He stood up from behind his desk and started roaming around giving judgemental remarks at everyone.

Neville had suffered a rather explosive error during the lesson and had to be carted of to the hospital wing. Hermione noticed during that exchange that Snape really had it in for Harry who he blamed for the whole ordeal causing points to be lost for Gryffindor. Now he was raving on about Ron and Harry's potion. He was probably really going to blow his top when he saw her and Pinkies monstrosity.

Hermione started hyperventilating as she'd never gotten bad marks before. This was really starting to mess with her identity, she was supposed to be smart! How could she let this happen? Stupid Pinkie and her stupid rhymes! She ruined everything!

"What is this?" Snape was inspecting their potion and didn't look impressed.

"It's boil removing potion." Pinkie chipperly responded.

"Is it?" Snape sneered.

"Uh huh."

"Then let's find out." Snape ordered the entirety of the class towards the hospital wing. Neville was lying in bed there still covered in boils being examined by madam Pomfrey. He looked embarrassed of having the entire class look at him like this.

"Madam Pomfrey? I've brought a fresh batch of boil healing potion."

"Yes and an entire group of first years. Why are they in my hospital wing?" She seemed thoroughly annoyed.

"I thought it would be educational to see one of their potions at work and maybe help poor Neville here at the same time."

"I see." She still looked annoyed but could see where he was coming from. The world was in desperate need of more healers and maybe this would help coax more students among their ranks.

Professor Snape did his own diagnostic spells upon Neville and then poured Pinkie's and Hermione's potion down his throat.

At first he was struggling against it but then he gulped it down quite happily.

"Hmm, tastes like sweet lime pie."

Snape looked disgusted at Neville. "It's not supposed to taste like sweet lime pie. It's supposed to taste like a bowl of snot."

Still his boils started to disappear leaving behind healthy looking skin.

"Five points from Gryffindor for making a potion that tastes good."

"It appears to me that children actually wanting to take there medicine is good idea." Madam Pomfrey said.

"That's debatable, we wouldn't want children drinking random potions now would we."

"Debatable indeed especially since your first year students came up with a completely new potion for removing boils in their first lesson." Madam Pomfrey gave Snape a stern look that he couldn't ignore.

"...One point to Gryffindor for making a completely new boil removal potion in their first lesson."

Heremione looked afronted. "And Slytherin." She said. "Pinkie is in Slytherin."

Pinkie was busy talking to Neville making sure he was okay and making him laugh.

"O right so she is. Ten poi-"

Another look from madam Pomfrey.

Professor Snape deflated some. "One point to Slytherin for the same reason."

"Maybe the point reduction for Gryffindor should was a bit harsh as well?"

"Fine, no point reduction. But if you find first years chugging Draught of the living Dead don't come crying to me." His robe bellowed dramatically as he left the hospital wing.

"This lesson is over."

"That man." Madam Pomfrey sighed. "Always so dramatic."

Pinkie joined her side at Neville's bed.

"I'll say. I've stopped trying to drink drain cleaner since I was eight."

The entire class looked at her like she was crazy.

"Oh come on that was funny!"

xxx

Hermione and Pinkie went their separate ways. The Slytherins were going to charms class and the Gryffindors were… Pinkie wasn't really paying attention.

Making potions was really fun Pinkie thought as she was walking towards her next class, but professor Snape was in dire need of a hug. Pinkie was going to get on that real quick right after finding a place to bake in preparation for her party.

She entered the charms classroom early and was met with a small professor standing on a lectern that was comically raised to make him able to see the entire classroom.

Pinkie quickly sat in the centre of the room. She was excited to learn how to use her wand properly. The lesson hadn't started yet as she was looking around the room she noticed that the walls of the classroom was filled with countless books. From what she could see these were all books about charms.

"Hermione would love it here." She thought thinking about her friend. Hermione really was her first friend in the magical world. The thought gave her hope that the Slytherins would end up maybe liking her too.

As the rest of her class came in, Ravenclaws and Slytherins both, the short professor started introducing himself.

"Good afternoon ladies and gentleman. I am professor Filius Flitwick and today you will experience your first charms lesson." He tapped his lectern with his wand and a big word appeared on the blackboard: Lumos

"Everyone get your wands out, we're going to have some fun!"

The professor's squeaky voice and enthusiasm immediately endeared the professor to Pinkie. This lesson was going to be great!

With wand in hand she eagerly listened how professor Flitwick started explaining the Lumos charm. It was a simple charm that made your wand create light. You just had to say Lumos and your wand would light up.

All around the classroom people were shouting lumos, lighting up their wands. Some were rather dim like Pansy's and some were rather strong like Daphne's. Lisa Turpin who sat next to Pinkie was rather proud waving her gentle light around trying to write her name in mid-air.

"Give it a go Pinkie!" Lisa said.

"Lumos!" Pinkie shouted.

"PWEP!" Responded her wand as a party whistle came rolling out and back in.

Lisa and Pinkie looked a little surprised at her wand and then at each other.

"Lumos!" She tried again.

"Pwep?" Her wand responded a little less peppy this time.

Pinkie was confused by her wands behaviour. She was gathering quite a few stares as she tried hitting her wand on the back of the handle like a bottle of ketchup hoping to unclog it or something.

"Lumos!"

"Poof!"

A cluster of confetti exploded out of her wand covering her desk, herself and Lisa who didn't really seem to mind.

Professor Flitwick noticed the commotion and went to investigate.

"What seems to be the problem?" He asked with a friendly demeanour.

"Lumos!"

"Pwep!" Pinkie's wand went again.

"O, this is new."

Smiling Flitwick grabbed a nearby chair and stood on top to reach the desk. "Okay, show me again?"

"Lumos!"

"PWEP!" More enthusiastic this time. Pinkie didn't know what was going on but her wand seemed to be having a ball.

"Hmm, I see." Flitwick said. "Pinkie I need you to really focus on trying to create light. Not to just shout the words."

Pinkie closed her eyes and imagined a light in the darkness.

"Lumos!"

"Pweep!" Her wand responded jovially. Though this time their was a small light at the tip of the party whistle.

Flitwick sighed, though not in a concerned way. "Why don't you stay a little while after class Pinkie?"

Pansy and Draco were laughing in the corner. She heard them whispering. "..can't even do a light spell..."

The lesson continued but Pinkie wasn't really feeling it. She made few more half-hearted attempts at making magic happen but her wand just kept throwing it's own party.

Pinkie knew the sentiment but there was a time and a place wand!

xxx

Professor Flitwick finished the lesson with some lecturing about charms and reading homework. He waited patiently for everyone to leave to give Pinkie some more advise.

Pinkie was lazily waving her wand around trying to make something else happen instead of confetti and party noises. It was proving difficult after having concentrated so long during the lesson. She was getting pretty tired from today's events and could really use a nap to be honest.

Professor Flitwick was watching her trying to cast the Lumos spell closely. Sometimes it would work and sometimes it wouldn't but it would always come with a party whistle though it started to sound rather sad and tired.

"I'm going to give you some extra homework Pinkie as I'm sure you would've guessed." He told her in a chipper tone.

"...Great."

"Come come, don't be like that. I can tell you are improving."

That did lighten Pinkies mood considerably

"I want you to find a quiet place to practise somewhere without any distractions. Really try to focus on light and nothing else for the charm. See if you can stop your wand from throwing parties whenever it wants."

"But I like parties."

"So do I, but sometimes it is more useful to throw a spell then to throw a party."

"I guess..." Pinkie looked at her wand and thought about how she got it. Maybe it was a bad wand after all.

"Do you think I maybe have a bad wand?"

"If the wand was meant for you it was meant for you. So it's not the wand no. It's lack of focus, plain and simple."

Professor Flitwick started his preparing for his next class.

"Keep practising Pinkie! You'll be able to do it in no time, you'll see. I believe in you!"

"Thanks professor!" She shouted as she left the classroom. She left her last cupcake on her desk for him. She really appreciated his help and sunny enthusiasm. It helped her realise that her life hadn't turned all gloomy. It was just changing and she needed to change with it.

xxx

**Agent (REDACTED) Field report #748-3289**

Target ALPHA seemed above average but within standard parameters. Does not appear to be popular with peers within Slytherin house.

Target ALPHA appears to have genius talent for potions and left one of her signature weapons in the classroom.

Field agent (REDACTED) feared to give in to temptation and disposed of the MCC (Mind-control confections) using Fiendfire.

Agent (REDACTED) regrets the loss of opportunity for study but could not risk loss of faculties at this time.

Requesting expedited (REDACTED) order of target ALPHA. Target ALPHA is exposed.

Target BRAVO is average and asocial though attempts to fit in seem successful.

Target Bravo seems not aware of wizarding etiquette confirming suspicion of an unmagical and poor upbringing.

Protections on target BRAVO seem insurmountable at this time.

xxx

**PRIORITY CORRESPONDENCE FROM (CODENAME: ZEUS) TO FIELD AGENT (REDACTED) CONCERNING FIELD REPORT #748-3289 **

DO NOT ENGAGE TARGET ALPHA.

TARGET ALPHA IS NOT EXPOSED.

THAT IS WHAT SHE WANTS YOU TO THINK.

YOU IDIOT.

TARGET BRAVO NO LONGER A PRIORITY.

FOCUS ALL EFFORTS ON TARGET ALPHA.

**THIS MESSAGE WILL SELF-DESTRUCT WITHIN FIVE SECONDS AFTER READING.**

xxx

Professor Flitwick watched as the message burst into flames leaving not even ashes behind.


	10. 9: Party at Slytherin

**Chapter 9: Kitchen Encounters**

It hadn't been a great week for Pinkie Pie. Her magic was on the fritz, her Slytherin housemates were bullying her, a fact she could no longer ignore.

But the absolute worst thing, the single most terrible thing, was that she couldn't find the bloody kitchen!

She was starting to show signs of baking withdrawal. Signs which were obvious in hindsight. The incident at the start of the week was a clear indication.

xxx

"Can I sit here for a bit?" Pinkie was looking for some camaraderie after having yet another row with Pansy. She needed a place to sort of deflate.

"No you can't." Ron said. "You're a traitor! You made us like you, but now it turns out you're a Slytherin!"

Pinkie looked shocked. Was this house thing really so important?

Harry wanted to say something but he looked like he'd never seen two friends fight before and was utterly lost. He wished Hermione was here but she was currently in the library.

He was about to say something to Ron when he shouted something really mean and Pinkie started to cry.

For a short moment Pinkie looked utterly frightening to Harry. Maybe it was a trick of the light because of the setting sun but it looked like her hair was on fire.

He got distracted however by a bout of accidental magic flinging Ron's food in his face.

When he looked up Pinkie had ran away.

"O, well done mate!" He said to Ron sarcastically feeling anger towards his friend for the first time.

"That was a real class act."

Harry left to try to find Pinkie but couldn't find her.

xxx

Yup baking withdrawal. That's what that was. Irritability, imagined smells that weren't there.

Cinnamon, baking bread, different kinds of fruit…

Pinkie walked through some abandoned corridor when she couldn't take it any more.

"Where are the stupid kitchens in this stupid place?!"

"Poof."

A soft crack just beyond the intersection removed Pinkie from her funk.

She went to investigate and found one of the oddest creatures she'd ever seen. It had enormous ears, big bulbous eyes that currently looked a little frightened and it wore what Pinkie thought was a tea towel toga.

"Hi, I'm Pinkie Pie." She tried hoping to maybe calm the creature down. "What's your name?"

"The Grand Mistress wants to know Blubber's name! O Blubber is truly blessed! Blubber's not worthy." He made a very deep deferential bow.

Pinkie was mistaken, it wasn't fear she saw in his eyes but some sort of weird devotion.

"So… Blubber then?"

"Yes! O The Grand Mistress is so smart to figure that out!"

"I'm not your mistress silly filly. I'm Pinkie Pie." she tapped her chest twice. "Pinkie Pie." she said more slowly.

For some reason this made him look very sad but Pinkie didn't know why.

"Did you lose your mistress somewhere?"

"Blubber never had a mistress, Grand Mistress. Blubber was born without a family."

Pinkie felt genuine compassion for this little creature.

"Well we've got something in common then. I'm an orphan too." She said and petted him on top of his bald head right between the ears.

"Blubber can help The Grand Mistress towards the kitchens if The Grand Mistress wants. Blubber would be honoured."

"Thanks Blubber I appreciate it."

As they made their way toward the kitchens Blubber explained that he was a house elf and responsible for maintenance and laundry in Slytherin house.

"Can you teleport clothes?" Pinkie asked remembering her moving stuff on the first day.

"Yes Grand Mistress Blubber can."

"Even when another person is wearing them?"

"Blubber suddenly doesn't like where this conversation is going. Blubber wants to be a good elf."

"Just wondering if you could."

Before he could respond they had arrived at a painting of a pear. Blubber told Pinkie to tickle the pear and that would allow the human entrance to appear.

She raised her hand to start tickling but before she could the door swung open eagerly.

The impression occurred in Pinkie that the castle was waiting for her to come here which was kinda silly but it made her feel welcome. A feeling which she was missing as of late.

Pinkie and Blubber entered a room where a lot of activity was going on.

A cavalcade of house elves were about to make tonight's dinner. Elves were running around to and fro with pots and pans looking eager to get started.

One of them was wearing a makeshift chef's hat made out of some old parchment that a student had doodled on. He looked very busy indeed orchestrating the elves with an old spoon.

"Nitwit! What have I told you about overworking the dough?"

"Uhm..." He looked like he was really thinking about it. "Not to do it?"

"Yes not to do it! Now make it again."

The elf ran away giddily to start anew with his task.

"…Silly elf worked the dough so hard it started demanding overtime..."

Suddenly an elf dropped a pan with a loud clatter silencing everything in the room.

"It's her..." The one who dropped the pan said and promptly fainted.

Some elves quickly carried him of waving a kerchief in his face while the elf with the chefs hat turned towards Pinkie.

"How may we assist The Grand Mistress." He gave her a bow just like Blubber did taking his hat off in deference.

Pinkie feeling really nervous with all this sudden attention resorting to her standard greeting #23.

"Uhm... Hi? I'm Pinkie Pie. I wanted to... You know what? I can see you're all very busy. I shouldn't add more work. I'll just leave you guys to it."

One of the elves burst into tears.

"There there, I'm sure she didn't mean it." An elf said patting the crying one on the back.

Pinkie expression went from nervousness to mortified very quickly.

"I'm sorry?"

"And she's so-ho-ho-rry We're not worthy. Not worthy-hy-hy-hy!"He was bawling his eyes out on the shoulder of another elf.

Pinkie really didn't know what to do with all this awkwardness decided perhaps wisely to keep quiet.

The elf with the chefs hat motioned towards Pinkie. "Perhaps it would be best if we speak in private."

"Is he going to be alright?"

The crying elf's voice had reached a pitch only audible by dogs.

"He's fine." He pointed at a door on the side. "Please, Grand Mistress."

The room had a cosy rustic feeling though the furniture was rather small. It seemed to be one meant for elves with one chair sort of enlarged. Probably meant for human sitters.

"So how can the house elves of Hogwarts help The Grand Mistress?"

The Grand Mistress again. Pinkie thought they must call everyone something like that to make them feel special or something.

Now that the opportunity to bake popped around maybe something else could be arranged. She made a split second decision and changed her plans.

"I need to organise a party in the Slytherin common room. A classy one. I want to use it as an opportunity to make some friends and bury some hatchets."

"Hmm, you should talk to the Sommelier he knows a lot about high end parties. We usually do what he tells us to do."

Pinkie knew a thing or two about parties. She wasn't about to let some upstart house elf tell her how to throw one. Still someone to bounce ideas of off was never a bad thing. Perhaps she needed to test him a little bit.

"Is he in?"

"I've never known him not to be."

He guided her to another room in the back. When she entered he bowed again and opened the door for her.

The room she entered was cosily dark with interesting bottles which turned out to be elvish wine. She wondered what that would taste like when she heard a voice.

"Good afternoon miss Pie. We've waited a long time."

She turned around and found an elf that appeared different from the others. He had a suave looking suite on with a bow tie and had a very deep voice. Much deeper then the squeaky sound of the other elves.

"I'd like a tasting." She found herself saying.

The elf merrily nodded as he walked to a nearby cupboard and grabbed two plates.

"We are aware of your past fondness for the German varietals but I can wholeheartedly endorse our new breed of Austrians."

He placed the food in front of Pinkie along with a fork.

"Strudel whipped-cream and vanilla sauce."

Pinkie took a bite out of one, rolling it around in her mouth making sure that it didn't leave a powdery texture at the roof of it, which can happen with pastry like this.

"Light puffy dough. Soft juicy filling for easier chewing, and I know you'll appreciate our crunchy coating."

Pinkie swallowed and nodded to the elf. He knew his stuff. It was exactly as described.

"What's next?" He asked.

"I'll need something robust...Precise."

"...Robust...Precise…" He raised and eyebrow knowingly and reached over a nearby shelf to grab a box of chocolates.

He opened the box and presented them to Pinkie.

She took one and started sucking on it and then chewed it testing both methods of consumption.

"Cocoa Tangerine: Shaped like a blue finch. Toffee type candy with an optional pepper-up carrier. Citrus fruit filling with 1-6 fermentation."

Pinkie swallowed and approved.

"Could you recommend something for the end of the night? Something big, bold?"

The sommelier reached underneath the bar and pulled out a plate that looked like dinner.

"May I suggest: our Tortellini Roquefort?"

Pinkie inspected a tortellini with her fingers making sure the sauce was not to sticky and took a bite. Taste-buds were checking if the flavours were well in balance and the cheese was not overpowering.

"Molten rich cheese and glace-herbal. Cheering charms should your guests get...cold."

Pinkie swallowed loudly.

"An Italian classic."

He winked. Roquefort was French.

He seemed to know exactly what Pinkie was planning with this party if the food was anything to go by.

"Dessert?"

He smiled. "Dessert."

He opened the bar like a trapdoor to show a myriad flavours of ice-cream.

"The finest dairy. All freshly mixed."

He gave Pinkie a spoon who held it up.

"Shall I have everything send to the common room?"

"Yes, thank you."

"Excellent."

Pinkie was about to leave the room.

"O and miss Pie?"

She turned around with her hand on the door handle.

"Do enjoy your party..."

xxx

Millicent Bullstrode sat in a corner watching the party and listening with one ear to the smooth music played by the elves, with the other to the gossip discussing who could've organised this particular soiree. The amount of snobbery on display really made her stomach churn.

It was all so vapid.

She saw Daphne in her element shmoozing with Blaise and Pansy. Millicent could see that Pansy was trying to get Blaise's attention but not doing a good job of it.

And all of them were completely phoney.

Millicent was never very good at the phoney bit and everyone knew it. They would call her boorish and vulgar behind her back and she would pretend not to hear to keep the status quo.

Honestly sometimes she could just scream and punch something.

Vulgar… Right.

She took one of the chocolates presented by the elves. It tasted kind of fruity and afterwards she felt a little better so she tried to do a bit of mingling of her own.

Talking with Draco was always such a chore though so she ignored him. Maybe the light was on at Crabbe or Goyle today. If nothing else it could be funny to hear their theories about this party and it's mysterious host.

xxx

Pinkie was about to make her grand entrance. The elves gave her a pretty dress for the occasion and right now she was holding the sides tightly mentally preparing herself for some proper snobby partying.

She was greeted by stares when she entered the Slytherin common room but only for a moment. Pinkie noticed that the closest group. Daphne, Blaise and Pansy were talking animatedly.

A good opening act to introduce the new Pinkie.

"Hello is everyone here having a good time?"

Pansy looked at her with utter disdain. "What's it to you? Don't you have to roll in the mud somewhere or whatever your kind does? Why don't you leave us be."

Pinkie just about had it with Pansy's mean attitude. She was just have to outclass her with more class. She turned towards Blaise.

"I'm so sorry it has been awhile for my to be in such exemplary company such as yourselves but isn't it considered bad manners to insult your host in an event such as this?"

You could hear a pin drop. It was in fact very bad manners to insult your host and everyone knew it, except for Pinkie ironically. It was the sort of situation that forced Pansy to make her excuses and leave the common room altogether. Before she left though she gave Draco the heads up on their hosts identity.

Ten points to Pinkie Pie. Daphne thought as she sipped her butter-beer.

"You organised all this?" Blaise asked "How did you swing that?"

"Oh, I met this charming little fellow called the Sommelier this morning."

A lot of pins could be heard dropping after that little bombshell. Daphne was one of the few who knew of the legend. It was said that the Sommelier represented the key to Hogwarts. Or something of that nature she couldn't really remember.

"We planned this little party together" Pinkie continued. She wanted to elaborate more on the subject but the elf who was playing the alto sax in the corner was shaking his head furiously indicating that she really shouldn't. Perhaps the Sommelier didn't like the attention or maybe something else was going on. In any case Pinkie decided to respect his privacy.

"And we had great fun doing that."

Quick to change the subject she indicated the dinner tables that had appeared conveniently to do so.

"Shall we get started on dinner everyone?" Pinkie asked as she clapped her hands together.

Millicent sat down opposite Pinkie with Draco on her left and Goyle on her right with Crabbe next to him. Pinkie had Blaise on her left and Daphne on her right.

Once everyone was seated the food appeared with a magical flourish to the delight of many. The smell was heavenly with a strong herbal note that was just to die for.

"My favorite!" Blaise exclaimed as he attacked the food with as much gusto that decorum would allow.

All around conversations started picking up and the mood at the table was very pleasant. People were talking about quidditch a sport which Pinkie knew nothing about.

Surprisingly it was Crabbe and Goyle who explained things for her. They were remarkably gentle souls despite their bullish countenance though they didn't seem overly bright to Pinkie.

Draco didn't seem impressed by their show of camaraderie and started asking Pinkie snippy questions.

"So how did someone of your...stature acquire the aid of the Hogwarts elves?"

"Don't worry about it Draco. The elves don't really care how tall you are. I'm certain they'll help someone as vertically challenged as you if you just ask them nicely."

Daphne had to hide her smirk behind her glass but Blaise had no compunction to hide anything and laughed out loud. Millicent who caught Draco's mopey expression couldn't contain herself either.

Millicent always appreciated Blaise's candour. He didn't seem as phoney as the others and he was well liked by everyone anyway. A true slytherin… Or more like a human capybara.

"I'm glad we can all sit at the same table now. I always knew that friendships were made at parties. You just need to find the right kind." Pinkie said making sure that Draco wouldn't feel to bullied.

Although most at the table did not agree with that at al civility dictated they kept their peace. If the goal of the party was to cease hostility towards her she really couldn't have played it better and they respected that at least. The glasses were raised and the butter-beer was drunk.

"Everyone, may I have your attention for a little while longer?" Pinkie stood up from her chair so she was easily visible for everyone.

"I'm sure by now you're all clamouring for some dessert."

A chorus of yeah's and sure's barrelled through the room.

"Well ladies and gentleman, for that we're going to have to go for a little walk."

She walked towards the common room exit.

"If you would follow me?"

The gaggle of first year Slytherins were lead all the way up the astronomy tower where warming charms were placed to keep the brisk Scottish weather at bay.

Here elves were passing around small crystal cups of ice-cream. Everyone got a flavour they'd never had before and many found a new favourite.

Still, questions started to rise what the whole point of having them walk all the way up the astronomy tower was when a loud explosion turned their heads.

Fireworks.

They lit up the faces of the children and for a moment all masks fell away as they all stared in wonder.

The magical fireworks exploded at eye level and was visible for everyone. It was clear that Slytherin had the best seats in the house.

Except for Pansy who was stuck in her room currently wondering what that racket was.

Sadly like all fireworks shows this one ended all to briefly and the way down the tower had a distinct different vibe. The mood was oddly...contemplative and relaxed. There wasn't a lot of talking going on.

Pinkie and Daphne were talking though paradoxical to the other Slytherins Daphne had her mask on and was in full shmoozing mode.

They rounded a corner when both of them and Millicent as well were covered in a bucket of weird slime that turned their hair bright orange.

The Weasley twins jumped from behind a nearby a decorative piece of armour and started jeering.

"Well now the Slytherins really are slimy." One said.

"Brother of mine I do believe we've missed our target."

"Indeed? Well in our defense when you've seen one blond Slytherin boy you've seen them all."

Daphne looked at them with utter loathing. "I'm a girl you pair of absolute pillocks!"she said as the other firsties were rounding the corner.

Slytherin brotherhood being what it was the twins were soon outnumbered.

"Well as funny as this is I do believe it's time for us to leave this dungeon."

"Tata." The other one said as he threw something on the ground as they disappeared in a poof of smoke. Leaving nothing but laughter in their wake.

Pinkie looked outraged "They've ruined the dress the elves made for me!"

The Hogwarts elves did not dispense pretty dresses willy-nilly. Not to mention organise fireworks. What in Merlins name was up with Pinkie? Daphne thought.

"They've ruined my parties aftervibes!… Nobody ruins my party and gets away with it!"

"Daphne and Millicent looked at each other shocked by the shear waves of anger running of the normally so gentle girl. Not even Pansy warranted this kind of reaction.

"This means war!" Pinkie shouted towards the heavens with a fist raised to the sky.

"Daphne, Milly I know you don't like me but I hope you guys are willing to negotiate a truce for the insult they have given to our hair, our clothes and our house. Those Weasley twins need to be brought low!"

Daphne was shocked by Pinkie's assessment. She didn't...not like Pinkie, though she did sometimes laugh at Pansy's insults. It was all fair… Wasn't it?

She found herself slowly extending her hand as was Millicent.

Pinkie shook their hands with rigorous enthusiasm.

As the rest of the first year contingent was wondering what in Merlin's name just happened. Pinkie was looking towards the future.

"Now." She said. "I need an accordion."


	11. 10: A Plot of Revenge

As the first year Slytherins shuffled their way into the common room and from their into their beds, three freshly made redheads sat down and started to plot there righteous revenge.

"We could spread shameful rumours that will ruin their standing with their families?" Daphne suggested. "Misconduct of the lecherous sort is always effective."

"We should kick 'em in the gentleman's plums. That'll teach 'm a lesson." Millicent opined as she was shadow kicking her imagined enemy's in the goolies.

Pinkie listened to their suggestions with interest. "Those ideas could really get us in trouble… And they seem kinda mean spirited."

Daphne looked at Pinkie like she was stupid. "Of course they're mean spirited. It's revenge, not a hugfest magicon." She started to think that maybe she should plot this revenge thing on her own. "How is an accordion of all things going to help anyway?"

Pinkie beckoned the two girls closer. Millicent kicked the air one last time and made her way around the table. Pinkie pulled the other girls around her and started whispering in their ears.

"Oh." Said Millicent. "That is rather devious actually."

Daphne was pondering things through."We would look like beautiful vengeful valkerie."

"And the weasel twins look like they can't take a joke if they get all moody about it."

Daphne got her notebook out. "This will require a lot of planning. There are a few logistical problems."

"Leave it to me!" Pinkie jumped up from her seat in excitement. I think the elves can help me find the right tools and a place to practice.

Millicent looked thoughtful. "We're going to need outside help as well. Some of these spells will at least require a fifth year."

"Well let's go ask one then!" Pinkie ran of to the dormitories and started knocking on doors of the older students.

One of these doors was opened by a serious looking fifteen year old by name of Archibald de Vries, a Dutch transfer student known for his skill with a wand, particularly in the junior duelling courts.

"What happened to your hair?" He asked the firsties.

"Never mind that. Would you like to help us with our dastardly plan of revenge?"

"You know how this song and dance goes. What's in it for me?"

"You get to hex the Weasley twins into a confusing oblivion and no one will think it was you."

"...Go on."

The girls in crime whispered in his ear and explained the plan in exquisite detail.

"Pinkie I would pay to do that."

Hands got shook and it was getting late so they decided to leave their scheming for the next day. It was better to scheme with a well rested mind after all.

xxx

Goodnight Millie.

Goodnight Pinkie.

xxx

It was a beautiful morning at Hogwarts. The birds were singing. The sky was blue and three little girls with orange hair were making their way towards the kitchen to request aid from the elves.

Pinkie was about to tickle the pear to gain entrance but it once again swung open without preamble.

The kitchens weren't nearly as hectic as last time. One of the elves came up to them and greeted them with enthusiasm.

"How may the elves help the Grand Mistress today?"

Millicent and Daphne looked at each other.

"Grand mistress?" Daphne mouthed.

Millicent shrugged, elves were just weird sometimes.

Pinkie didn't notice the exchange. "Well I just wanted to thank all of you for the terrific job done yesterday. The fireworks were fantastic and the music was full of pep and very classy."

The young elf seemed to shine from the praise "I'll be sure to pass it along."

"Now speaking of music, do you have any idea where we can find some instruments to practice with? Maybe a secluded room as well so we don't bother anyone?"

The elf jumped up and down in excitement and clapped his hands together. "O I sure do Mistress. On the seventh floor you'll find a tapestry of Barnebas the Barmy trying to teach trolls how to dance. Opposite the tapestry is the room you require."

The elf wrote down all instructions to find the room and how to enter it. He gave the parchment to the girls.

"Be sure to follow the instructions or the room won't appear. It's very picky."

Pinkie grabbed the elf and gave him a big hug and kissed him on his bald head. "Thank you so much mister elf! This will help us loads."

The poor elf looked a mix between happy and insulted.

"...It's miss elf actually."

But pinkie didn't hear it she had already bounced across the room and grabbed the other two girls by the hand and pulled them along to the seventh floor.

Daphne rolled her eyes but didn't say anything letting herself be pulled along.

xxx

Barnebas the Barmy was trying to teach his troll friends Stephen and Barnwicky some proper technique but it was slow going. Didn't they realize that they could be much more graceful if they showed the world some real pizzazz?

"I would appreciate it if you put some more effort in your cabriole Stephen. We're not here to flop around. We're making art here!"

Stephen for his part was not amused at Barnebass' criticism and told him so. They were doing their best after all.

"Snort grunk sniffle? Sniffle sniffle snort..."

"Not with that attitude you won't!"

Barnwicky heard enough and clocked Barnebas over the head with his trusty club in good nature. It was a love pat really.

Barnebass rubbed his dome. Realizing that he may have pushed a little to hard today. He was about to apologize when he heard footsteps around the corner.

"Quick everyone get into character!" He shouted.

xxx

The girls followed the elf's instructions and rounded the corner. The room was supposed to be somewhere around here. They started to touch the walls looking for clues when they encountered the painting they were searching for.

"Excuse me, is one of you Barnebas?" Tactfully omitting the 'the Barmy' moniker Daphne asked the painting.

"Indeed I am." Barnebas said hoping for some interaction with three dimensional people.

"Great thanks!"

"Yeah it should be that wall." She pointed the wall out to the other girls.

Barnebas looked a little forlorn. Barnwicky patted him on the back with a little bit more force then usual. A tradition at this point.

Pinkie walked in front of the wall pondering about music, instruments, musical instruments, a place to practice and have fun.

Like clockwork the stonework shifted and rumbled to reveal an ornate looking door with a little musical note in a gold plaque at it's center.

Daphne was grinning, music lessons were always her favourite at home.

Without much ado Millicent kicked in the door.

The girls looked excitedly on the rows upon rows of musical instruments. Daphne's eyes roamed and landed upon the beautiful white grand piano by Stoneroad and Daughters.

She played some keys and immediately fell in love. It...She sounded perfectly in tune and the notes had a lyrical quality that the standing piano at home simply didn't have. She knew she just had to come back here in secret. Just to get better acquainted with Ophelia. Daphne sat down and touched the keys some more.

xxx

Pinkie meanwhile was walking along the rows just marvelling at it's treasure. The shear volume of it all beggars belief. She didn't even know that there were so many different instruments in the world let alone in one place. She grabbed a small flute looking thing and gave it a blow.

"Peep!"

No, no, no. She wasn't look for peep.

It was time to experiment.

xxx

There was one who didn't have as much fun. Millicent was rather bored. The room was great and all but for someone who wasn't as musical inclined it got boring quick. Though the amount of magic in the air was interesting.

She idly wondered how the room came to be and as she did so she waddled her way into a big drum looking thing with some brass disks on top causing her to trip.

"Stupid drum!"

She grabbed a wooden stick with a fluff ball on top and hit the drum with it.

"POOM!"

"..."

"POOM POOM"

Millicent giggled like a maniac. She grabbed the big drum and put the strap around her neck allowing her to carry the heavy thing. On the shelf she found one of those round things that had a lot of brass things in it.

...The fun had been doubled!

xxx

The sound of an accordion blasted through the music room startling Daphne out of her muse. She closed the lid and petted Ophelia on her cute lid.

"I've found one!" She heard from a distance. "It's got buttons on it!"

Pinkie came running from the rows with an admittedly beautiful accordion in tow.

"I believe they're called keys." Daphne informed Pinkie. "Aren't you supposed to know that? I thought you knew how to play."

"Of course I know how to play silly… O you meant the accordion." She looked thoughtful for a second. "Never played it in my life."

"What?! Our whole plan hinges on it!"

"Don't worry my part is easy I'll just,...-"

"..."

poom tss, poom tss, POOM TSS, POOM TSS, **POOM TSS, POOM TSS,** POOM TSS, POOM TSS, poom tss, poom tss.

"..."

Daphne and Pinkie both gawked at Millicent walking by completely in her own world merrily beating the drum and tambourine.

"...I don't think I've ever seen her that happy before." Daphne mumbled. She wanted to shout some more at Pinkie but knew it would be counter productive. So she sighed instead.

"Right I'll find something a little more portable then. Why don't you go practice that accordion?"

"Oki doki!" Pinkie gave her a salute and grabbed her new toy with vigour. "Let's rock baby!"

xxx

Any instrument was hard to learn. Daphne knew this well. She was taught from an early age because it took a lifetime to master the piano. Though she dabbled with the violin she also practised the guitar in secret. Her parents would never approve of such a rustic instrument but Daphne just loved music so much that it was hard to resist.

It was all for the family she told herself. In the future it would help in finding a prospective husband and perhaps it would be useful in charming future business prospects. Music was a weapon in a woman's arsenal after all. It was best to be well armed.

A guitar caught her eye on a shelf a little ways away. It was an acoustic guitar with a very elegant design. She strummed the strings and found a warm tone reaching her ear.

This was the one.

xxx

When she returned she found Pinkie playing with her accordion on a weird muggle device. Her mouth fell open.

"Hi Daphne! I found a unicycle. Think we should use it?"

There were so many questions running through her mind that it was hard to pinpoint one and ask it. She was about to make her choice when she got distracted by something else.

poom tss, poom tss, POOM TSS, POOM TSS, **POOM TSS, POOM TSS.**

"..."

Millicent had arrived. She was smirking at them "It's really jolly good fun this. I get to hit things and nobody can complain."

And on that bombshell it was time to go to work and start practising.

xxx

The amount of progress they made came as a surprise to Daphne. Even though they were only practising one piece of music and an incredibly easy one at that. The quickness with which they learned it was impressive.

She had to begrudgingly admit that Pinkie had a real talent for showmanship. Even though her bit was simplistic she made it look like a real act.

It got her quite excited.

If they kept this up they could put the plan in motion by tonight…

xxx

Millicent never had so much fun in her entire life! It felt like she finally found a place where she could just unleash her...well she didn't know what exactly but unleash something. She was allowed to hit things and nobody cared. Ha! That was the best bit for sure. Her friends were very encouraging and… Friends? When did that happen? ...Who cares!

**Poom Tss, Poom Tss, Poom Tss.**

xxx

The horses were enjoying it! Pinkie could tell. It was very subtle and a little bit… strange actually, to have them sing along. She started playing the accordion with even more bombast to try and see if they would go along with it. She was starting to think that the horses weren't that scary at all.

Until one tried to bellow loudly along. That was a little bit scary.

Perhaps Dumbledore was right? Perhaps it would all even itself out. Pinkie felt hopeful.

xxx

The dining hall was starting to get packed with students waiting to get their munch on. Fred and George were goofing off trying to impress Angelina and Katie with some silly joke items they cooked up somewhere. They were mildly successful. The old Weasley charm was working wonders or so they believed but honestly the girls had seen better.

Suddenly, from beyond the dining halls, sounds could be heard. They didn't know what it was. Drumbeats maybe? It got the attention of everyone.

A trio of Slytherin firsties with Weasley red hair came barrelling through the halls with a musical fanfare that conjured a smile on everyone sitting at the tables.

The hall grew silent as they played something that sounded like polka music while moving between tables gathering stares as they went.

Some people started to clap along when they suddenly stopped in front of the Weasley twins.

The silence was profound.

"You!" Pinkie sang. "Play your pranks...like a troll... plays with snot."

Fred nostrils grew four sizes making him look distinctly troll like.

"EY!" Millicent shouted.

Daphne jumped in with her guitar "And you gasconade... like a bitch... like a lot." As poor George sprouted two fluffy dog ears.

"And you... always squeak... always speak… acoustically." Fred could feel his vocal cords raise an octave.

Daphne and Pinkie started singing in harmony. "You should know… that we won't leave it be-he-he!"

"Cause you're hot and you're cold!"

"You're yes and you're no!"

"You're in and you're out!"

"You're up and you're down!"

The spells were following one another in rapid succession now. It was getting harder and harder to recognize the Weasley twins as they slowly transformed in curious ways, one sprouting icicles where the other shot steam out if his ears and so on.

"You're wrong and we're right!"

"It's black and it's white!"

"You look like a crup!"

"Here, wear some make up!"

"This is how you pay, hey!"

Millicent recognized her bit. "FUCK YOU!" She shouted.

"You don't give a bad hair day!"

xxx

The song went from verse to verse changing the Weasley twins appearance in a number of monstrous ways. When the song ended and the hall finished their applause Pinkie had something to say to the Weasley twins...

From out of nowhere she pulled two rubber chickens and pointed them at each of the thoroughly hexed boys. The war paint under her eyes arrived in an equally mysterious fashion giving her a slightly mad look.

"Let it go. Or we'll give you a war you won't believe. Let it go…"

The twins swallowed audibly and nodded.

Pinkie squeezed the two chickens and dropped them on the ground filling the stunned hall with a loud, ominous and oddly comical 'Whaaaah' noise.

Pinkie was staring crazily at the twins when Millicent picked up the tempo.

"ONE TWO THREE FOUR!"

The sound of loud polka music filled the Hogwarts halls once more and three girls fanfared their way back to their music room leaving the sound of laughter in their wake. Even Fred and George when they got a good look at each other couldn't stop their laughing. They were got good.

xxx

Meanwhile if the Slytherins were paying attention to the big hourglasses in the entrance hall they would have noticed the Slytherin house hourglass was displaying some odd behavior.

"Ten points from Slytherin." Professor McGonagall shouted. "For hexing in the dining halls."

Professor Snape looked furious. "Twenty points to Slytherin for livening up the place."

"I beg your pardon Professor Snape do you seek to undermine my authority?"

"Hardly, deputy headmistress I merely wished to reward my students for their… youthful exuberance."

"Ten points will be removed from Slytherin house for bullying behavior!" Professor McGonagall moved to make herself look intimidating but professor Snape rewarded that with a sneer.

"Twenty points to Slytherin for shear musical genius."

"We cannot condone this Severus!"

"Why are those twins still in this school then Minerva?!"

They went back and forth for a long time with poor Albus caught in the middle holding his head in his hands just trying to get an evening meal. The students meanwhile were laughing up a storm at the dinner show they got presented with.

xxx

"Whahaha did you see the look on their faces?" Millicent looked positively manic. "They were genuinely afraid. No one can stop us now!" She stared at her own hands like she discovered some sort of super power.

Archibald petted her on her head "Easy there Maleficent. Wouldn't want to scare the children." He indicated the others.

Pinkie and Daphne stared at Millicent like she was possessed.

Daphne rolled her eyes. "Everyone in this school has gone completely barmy." She snootily raised her head "Well this was… something. I'm going to see what my friends are up to." She left the others alone as she made her way towards the common room.

"Thanks Archy." Pinkie gave him a hug. "We couldn't have done it without your help."

Archibald smiled. "Gekkehuis. I'll see you girls later ja?" He waved at them as he went down the stairs as well.

Feeling a little slow and tired Millicent and Pinkie both trudged their way back towards the kitchens. Millicent was staring at Pinkie, like she was a complicated arithmancy problem.

"You know… You're weird." She said almost in thought.

"I am?"

"Yeah. It's like you're… different somehow. Like your magic is weird, you do weird things, and the elves are weird around you. You're just weird."

"Weird bad?"

"Hmm… no? I don't think so. I mean at least you're honest. What you see is what you get. It's a different story with the others. They're all just pretending. Pretending to be civil, pretending to be nice, pretending... that they like me."

Millicent stopped to look outside a nearby window. She was fumbling with her hands. The view was really spectacular with the sun going down over the forbidden forest. Pinkie didn't see it. She looked at Millicent instead.

"I'm sorry for hitting you and calling you names the other day. I just… I just didn't like that you were so happy and I wasn't."

"Truth is... of all the stupid faces in this school, yours is the one I want to punch the least."

"Aw, thanks Milly."

Millicent snorted at Pinkie's awkward timing.

"You're welcome."

"..."

"Fiends?"

"Friends."

**A/N **The music that Pinkie and co. are playing is: Los Colorados Hot and Cold. Only with less Russian dudes and more British Girls.


End file.
